"Really, I could keep my mouth shut. I mean, I'm the kind of person that you could tell anything to and I'd never tell…"

"As if things weren't bad enough, now I've been abducted by aliens."

"[to Ted] If meaningless sex is what you want, why can't you have it with me?!"

"A relationship is a lot like a porcelain nail, Ted. You can break it, and you can glue it back together, but it's not…"

"Well I see split ends are universal. Lost in space with no conditioner, huh?"

"[singing] Because I'm blonde, I don't have to think, I talk like a baby, And I never pay for drinks, Don't have to wo…"

"I just want to say that being chosen as this month's Miss August is like a compliment I'll remember for as long as I …"

"You guys are so lucky you crashed in the valley. It's the baddest place on earth!"

"These degenerates broke into my home and destroyed my property. I want them arrested right now. They're MTV scum!"

"I'm just a manicurist. I don't know about anything about anything, except nails. You know, nails?"