"Let's bring out the cake!"

"Women need a reason for having sex, men just need a place."

"[to a classroom full of children on Career Day] Value this time in your life kids, because this is the time in your l…"

"[singing] Rollin', rollin', rollin', keep them dogies rollin', man my ass is swollen, Rawhide! Get 'em up, move 'em o…"

"[to a Spanish doctor treating a puncture wound on his buttock] Excuse me, el doctor! Helloooo...? Don't sew anything …"

"To Curly, as they're delivering a calf.] You know, this was not in the brochure."

"[while Phil is taking pictures of Mitch getting his butt wound stitched] Phil, let the man keep what's left of his di…"

"No, that was "I like your ass; can I wear it as a hat?"."

"TRUSTED us? They don't even KNOW us! They followed us because we yelled "yah!"."

"I'm 39, and I'm saying "Moo, cow!" in a river! Do you believe this!?"