"[talking about a Christmas fight in which he locked his girlfriend out of the house] When all of the sudden there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter. I went to the window and tore open the blinds, And there was my girlfriend, quite out of her mind! And I was just standing there, heart pounding with fear, She's bangin on the glass door with a vodka bottle…filled just 'bout to here. And I knew the window couldn't take it. She screamed, "Open the door, you bastard, or I'll fucking break it!" Well, I couldn't let her do that; 'twas my father's place. So I cracked the door, and she punched me in the face! So I summoned my manhood from bottom to top, And I screamed like a little girl…"I'M CALLING THE COPS!""
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Christopher Titus
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