"[...]is there a contest between developers to see who can make the most irresistable game for Brian? I'm trying to ge…"

"Anyone got a few million they wanna invest?"

"(after describing all the negligent drivers he encountered that day)"So let's hope I was a quantum magnet for all bad…"

"I have, quite possibly, the most self-antagonistic brain of our generation. So when I really want to work on somethin…"

"Typing up a detailed news post at this moment would not further the goals of my great society. Stay tuned for ideolog…"

"As you may have noticed, a hurricane didn't kill me yesterday. I will celebrate my continued life with some ice cream…"

"This is the part where I tell you guys that my first car was a Corvette that I got for, like, half price or something…"

"If you travel, do it smart. I need as many of you alive to buy as many things as possible. It's a cycle, you see, sha…"

"(referring to a broken sign displayed at a fireworks stand)"It says FIRE ORKS. And the arrow on this particular sign …"

"X-Men Legends 2, it would be so much easier to enjoy you if your characters would ever shut up."