"Sir, he specifically requested two niggers. Well, to tell the family secret, my grandmother was Dutch."

"Alright, here we go. Hold your ears, folks. It's showtime!"

"Work, work, work, work, work, work, work. [turns to the bosom of a female staffer] Hello boys! Have a good night's re…"

"Come on, boys! The way you're lollygaggin' around here with them picks and them shovels, you'd think it was a hundert…"

"There might be a legal precedent. Land snatching. [searches books] "L--land. See snatch.""

"[monologue to the camera] A sheriff! But law and order is the last thing I want! Wait a minute...maybe I can use this…"

"[Hailing a cab in Hollywood] Drive me off this picture!"

"You men will be risking only your lives.... whilst I will be risking an almost certain Academy Award nomination for B…"

"[his last line (referring to Douglas Fairbanks), after Bart shoots him outside Graumann's Chinese Theater in Hollywoo…"

"Gentlemen, affairs of state must take precedent over... affairs of state."