"Sir, he specifically requested two niggers. Well, to tell the family secret, my grandmother was Dutch."

"Work, work, work, work, work, work, work. [turns to the bosom of a female staffer] Hello boys! Have a good night's re…"

"Come on, boys! The way you're lollygaggin' around here with them picks and them shovels, you'd think it was a hundert…"

"There might be a legal precedent. Land snatching. [searches books] "L--land. See snatch.""

"[monologue to the camera] A sheriff! But law and order is the last thing I want! Wait a minute...maybe I can use this…"

"[Hailing a cab in Hollywood] Drive me off this picture!"

"You men will be risking only your lives.... whilst I will be risking an almost certain Academy Award nomination for B…"

"[his last line (referring to Douglas Fairbanks), after Bart shoots him outside Graumann's Chinese Theater in Hollywoo…"

"It got so that every piss-ant prairie punk who thought he could shoot a gun would ride into town to try out the Waco …"

"Gentlemen, affairs of state must take precedent over... affairs of state."