"This is bad. No, let me call it what is. This is fucked up."

"Do you see the fuckin' emotion I'm goin' through right now?! That means this shit is serious. That means me and this …"

"You forgot your boarding pass."

"Mike, go down and you can have a Coke and a smile."

"[to Fletch] If you don't sit your lanky ass down right now, bottom-line, I will knock you the fuck out!"

"He steals our shit, kidnaps Julie, shoots at my wife. Oh, we beatin' him down. We beatin' him down!"

"You know you drive almost slow enough to drive Miss Daisy."

"King Dingaling."

"I don't know why you going home to your wife. You got shot in the leg, your dick probably don't even work."

"You know I'm a better cop when I get some in the morning, I feel lighter on my feet."