"You realize we're all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us."

"I say, why don't you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and fucking use them?"

"I'll see you guys tonight, in the "No Fucking Section", right?"

"I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of...masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it "strok…"

"No longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused! From now on, we fight for every man out there who isn't getting…"

"There's something about your first piece."

"Come again!"

"Boy gets girl. Boy loses girl. Boy gets pie."

"Jason Biggs - Jim Levenstein"

"Chris Klein - Chris 'Oz' Ostreicher"