"Jim?! holy potatoes!"

"This one time--um, here."

"Oh, yeah! The Stif-meister's coming back to Grand Harbor! Deck the halls, bye-bye Great Falls, wipe my ass and lick m…"

"Where are the fuckin' females? Jim, can't you keep your shirt on? You're scaring the chicks away."

"[Grabbing his crotch] Shake this!"

"[Thinks champagne is being poured onto his head when he's actually being urinated on from the balcony] That's it, bat…"

"When a girl tells you how many guys she's slept with, multiply it by three and that's the real number. Didn't you fuc…"

"Tantric, what the fuck is Tantric?"

"[When walking past a girl in a short skirt before a lecture] Ooh! There's little hearts on her panties! There's littl…"

"But we never even had friendly hello sex."