"Sometimes, I don't know where the bullshit ends and the truth begins."

"[to Audrey] If I die, I'm sorry for all the bad things I did to you. [to Katie] And if I live, I'm sorry for all the …"

"Do you suppose Stanley Kubrick ever gets depressed?"

"Stop smiling! Lay back! Lay back! Hold it, hold it, hold it. Candy, Casey, very good. You're gonna do it again, Victo…"

"The pain is gone. I'm OK. Nothing wrong with me a rewrite of the show wouldn't cure. A couple of good jokes is what I…"

""[to God, during the "hospital escape" scene]" What's the matter, don't you like musical comedy?"

"[last lines, Joe is dying] Hey, at least I won't have to lie to you anymore."

"Folks! What can I tell you about my next guest? This cat allowed himself to be adored, but not loved. And his success…"

"[singing] Give it to me! Bye bye life, Bye bye happiness, hello loneliness, I think he's gonna die. Bye bye life, Bye…"

"[repeated line] It's showtime, folks!"