Screenplays By Babaloo Mandel

"One kid. Two dads. A who done it."

"Bruce Greenwood - Bob Andrews"

"Charles Rocket - Russ Trainor"

"Robin Williams - Dale Putley"

"Nastassja Kinski - Collette Andrews"

"For years I've thought about killing myself. It's the only thing that kept me going."

"The reason why some animals eat their young."

"Jared Harris - Lee"

"Julia Louis-Dreyfus - Carrie Lawrence"

"Louis Lombardi - Matt"

"Charlie Hofheimer - Scott Andrews"

"Patti D'Arbanville - Shirley Trainor"

"Billy Crystal - Jack Lawrence"

"All she said was "My son is yours." Unfortunately, she said it to both of them."

"Gedde Watanabe – Takahara Kazuhiro"

"George Wendt – Buster"

"Michael Keaton – Hunt Stevenson"

"Mimi Rogers – Audrey"

"[hands a janitor's mop to Saito] Good luck in your new career."

"John Turturro – Willie"

"[in a conference room in Japan] Hey, did you guys decorate this place yourselves? Because it's damn nice. It's real... Oriental."

"Now on these last few we might need to cut a few corners. Just little things, like...engines."

"[to the Japanese executives before starting his sales pitch] I'm just crazy for your country. I mean, I love it. You know, my Dad was over here with the Army in about, uh, ...1945, uh, let's get started."

"What if you mix...mayonnaise right in the can with the tuna fish? Hold it! Hold it! Wait a minute! Chuck! Take live tuna fish...and feed them mayonnaise. Oh this is good. [speaks into tape recorder] Call StarKist."

"We'll call ourselves Love Brokers."

"So there I was at the Blackjack table with all my wash 'n' dries... did I tell you I had the idea for them first?"

"What's our job? We like drive around and pickup stiffs, or what? Is that what we are supposed to do?"

"Wanna know why I carry this tape recorder? To tape things. See, I'm an idea man, Chuck. I got ideas coming at me all day... I couldn't even fight 'em off if I wanted. Wait a second... hold the phone! Hold the phone! [speaking into tape recorder] Idea to eliminate garbage. Edible paper. You eat it, it's gone! You eat it, it's outta there! No more garbage!"

"What are we really talking about here? Huh? What's the essence of what we're talking about? Spell it out for you if I have to. [writing on chalkboard] PROSTITUTION! Prostitution. Yeah, we can say it. We're big kids now, right? You know a lot of times it'll help you to understand a word if you break it down, so let’s do that now, shall we? PROS... it doesn't mean anything. Forget about that... TIT, I think we all know what that means. TU, kay two tit and TION, of course, from the Latin to shun... to say no, uh-uh, thank you anyway I don't want it, to push away... it doesn't even belong in this word really, so let's get rid of that."

"Shelley Long - Belinda Keaton"

"The oldest profession in a new-look comedy."

"Michael Keaton - Bill Blazejowski"

"Ever since two enterprising young men turned the City Morgue into a swinging business, people have been dying to get in."

"Leonard: Oh, that Barney Rubble. What an actor."

"It makes the day seem dead."

"Henry Winkler - Chuck Lumley"

"I wash my hands and my feet of you!"

"Gina Hecht - Charlotte Koogle"

"Chuck Lumley: [reads the forms that Leonard, the day shift guy left] Name of the deceased... something Polish?"

"Together they are going to make the day pay off... all night long!"

"Tod Higgins Jr: Julie & Tod's son – after named his father Tod Higgins"

"Shirley Lampkin-Bowman: Helen & George's daughter"

"Justin Buckman: Gil & Karen's second son (3rd child)"

"Taylor Buckman: Gil & Karen's first daughter (2nd child)"

"Cool Buckman: Larry's son"

"Laverne Buckman: Gil & Karen's second daughter (4th child)"

"Larry Buckman: Frank & Marilyn's second son (4th child)"

"Julie Lampkin: Helen's daughter (1st child)"

"Patty Huffner: Susan & Nathan's daughter"

"Tod Higgins Sr.: Julie's husband"