The World's End (film)

"[Opening narration] Ever had one of those nights that starts out like any other, but ends up being the best night of your life? It was June the 22nd, 1990: our final day of school. There was Oliver Chamberlain, Peter Page, Steven Prince, Andy Knightley, and me. They called me the King...because...my name's Gary King! Ollie was funny, he fancied himself as a bit of player, but really, he was all mouth. We called him "O-Man" because he had a birthmark on his forehead that looked like a 6. Haha He loved it! Pete was the baby of the group. He wasn't the kind of kid we'd usually hang out with, but, he was good for a laugh...and he was absolutely minted! Steve was a pretty cool guy. We jammed together, chased the girls... I think he saw us as rivals! Hmph! Sweet, really. And Andy... Andy was my wingman, the one guy I could rely on to back me up. He loved me, and... I'm not being funny, but, I loved him too. There was nothing we were gonna miss about school! Maybe Mr Shepherd, he was definitely one of the good guys. He used to ask me what I wanted to do with my life. I told him “I just wanted to have a good time”. He thought that was funny. It wasn't meant to be funny - not that night! Newton Haven was our hometown, our playground, our universe. And that night, it was the site of a heroic quest. The aim? To conquer the Golden Mile, twelve pubs along a legendary path of alcoholic indulgence. There was The First Post, The Old Familiar, The Famous Cock, The Cross Hands, The Good Companions, The Trusty Servant, The Two-Headed Dog, The Mermaid, The Beehive, The King's Head, The Hole in the Wall, all before reaching our destiny: The World's End! We took my car into town; I call it The Beast, because she was pretty hairy! And so our journey into manhood began. We were off! We didn't waste any time; we hit pub one, and we hit it hard! There was drinking, there was fun, there was controversy, there were ladies, there were shots, there was drama, and of course, there was drinking! By pub five, we were feeling invincible, and decided to purchase some herbal refreshment from a man we call The Reverend Green. Pint six put O-Man out of commission, so we carried on without him. Good thing; I bumped into his sister in the next pub, we went into the disabled's and I bumped into her again! Sam tagged along for a while, but then I had to let her go; I had another date that night and her name was Amber! Nine pints in, and it was us against the world. Things got mental in The Beehive, so we repaired to the bowls club, or as we liked to call it, the 'Smokehouse' - which is when it all went fuck-up! Everyone got Para(noid) and Pete chucked a whitey, so we had to bench him. In the end, we blew off the last three pubs and headed to the hills. I remember sittin' up there, blood on my knuckles, beer down my shirt, sick on my shoes, seeing the orange glow of a new dawn breaking, and knowing in my heart that life would never feel this good again. And you know what? It never did."

"[to Bed and Breakfast clerk] Tonight, we will be partaking of a liquid repast, as we wend our way up the Golden Mile, commencing with an inaugural tankard in The First Post, then on to The Old Familiar, The Famous Cock, The Cross Hands, The Good Companions, The Trusty Servant, The Two-Headed Dog, The Mermaid, The Beehive, The King's Head, and The Hole in the Wall for a measure of the same. All before the last bittersweet pint in that most fateful terminus - The World's End. Leave a light on, good lady, for though we may return with a twinkle in our eyes, we will, in truth, be blind - drunk."

"To "err" is human, so errrr..."

"There's only one Gary King!"

"[reaction to Andrew ordering tap water instead of beer] I don't believe this. A man of your legendary prowess drinking fucking...rain! It's like seeing a lion eating some hummus!"

"[repeated line] They call me The King."

"How can you tell if you're drunk if you're never sober?"

"[whilst debating what to call the blanks] Nothing suggested in the last three minutes has been better than 'smashy smashy egg man'."

"[Facing an army of blanks] (Tearing open his Shirt like the Hulk) UUUGHGH!!! I FUCKING HATE THIS TOWN!"

"[repeated line to Gary] It's pointless arguing with you."