The Strangerhood

"Wade: "Hey, man. You shouldn't yell so loud. People are sleepin' and stuff." Sam: "What? what you doing in my bed? Who are you?" Wade: "That's a good question, man. Who are we? That's something we all have to answer." Sam: "Wait a minute; this isn't my apartment! How did I get here?" Wade: "Don't know. Not my house, man. Must have been a great party though, right?" Sam: "You wake up in a strange bed with a strange man and your first guess is party?" Wade: "Strange people in a strange bed. Sounds like a party to me, man." Sam: "Well, I gotta get out of here. So good luck." Wade: "Cool. What's your name, dude?" Sam: "Huh . . . oh it's, uh... I don't know!""

"Sam: "Okay, I think I solved one mystery." Wade: "Cool." Sam: My name is Sam." Wade: "Awesome! How do you know?" Sam: "Well, apparently, I'm the type of person who likes to write his own name in his underwear."

"Sam: "Wait! Shouldn't we stick together?" Doctor Chalmers: "Why? You people don't know a thing!" Sam: "You don't know anything either!" Doctor Chalmers: "Yeah, but I'm stuck with me, aren't I?""

"Doctor Chalmers: "Oh, it's you again." Sam: "What do you mean 'me again?' What are you doing back here?" Dr. Chalmers: "Don't quibble with me, huh. I have a note, huh. Really, huh." Griggs: "Hmm." Sam: "What the . . . ?" Tovar and Nikki: Sam: "Who are all these people?" Doctor Chalmers: "They have notes too." Sam: "Hey, can anyone tell me what the heck is going on here?" Doctor Chalmers: "Hey, watch your language! Let's not get ridiculous." Nikki: "We all got these notes telling us to come here." Sam: "Notes? From who?" Doctor Chalmers: "From whom. I told you, watch your language.""

"Sam: "Wait, is this Wade? Why are you calling me on the phone? We're in the same house!""

"Wade: "I sure do miss Nikki, man. She was like the only one who was nice to me." Sam: "I'm nice to you. . .idiot.""

"Sam: "Hey, quit making these wavy lines!" Wade: "Don't fight it, man.""

"Sam as Simon Cowell: "Look. If I’m being honest, and I’m not trying to be mean here, that was like getting shot in the face with a bazooka, only the bazooka was loaded with the worst vocal performance ever. And the face was not my whole face, but just my ears. Also, I hate you and I want your whole family to die and anyone who disagrees with me is stupid. And you have no talent.""

"Wade: "I seem to remember someone calling me . . . Durrnt." Sam: "Your name tag says 'My name is Wade.'" Wade: "That's a name brand, dude. My name is definitely Durrnt." Sam: "Durnt?" Wade: "Durrnt." Sam: "Durnt?" Wade: "No. . . . It's got more syllables, man. Du-r-r-rnt." Sam: "Durnt?" Wade: "You're not saying it right, man." Sam: "Durnt!" Wade: "Durrnt!"

"Sam: "Well, Wade, I guess we're back to square one, what now." Wade: "Let's bake something! [Doorbell rings] Cool! I had it right, man!" Sam: "I think that was the doorbell, Wade. And who could this be?" Wade: "Even the doorbell knows how smart I am. Cool house, man.""

"Wade: "Oh man, I hope that wasn't me that just died!""

"Wade: "Superman and . . . Bizzaro Superman!" Sam: "That's just wrong.""

"Sam: "Wade, only one person is supposed to close his eyes in Marco Polo." Wade: "Dude! No wonder that game was so hard!""

"Wade: "I sang my heart out. I still cannot believe I lost to . . . the fat guy." Sam: "That never happened! And I don't have an Indian accent!" Doctor Chalmers: "What up, dawg?""

"Wade: "Oh my god, I can't believe Dutch is really Catherine's Stepmother!" Griggs: "Bored again, This Show Blows." Wade: "You wanna finish our chess game?" Griggs: We can't, you ate half the pieces" Wade: "I was so sure they had chocolate inside, man.""

"Wade: "Why would a sidekick have his own opening credits montage?""

"Wade: "On the fifteenth day of Chrismanukah, my true love gave to me..." Doctor Chalmers: "A stocking filled with dreidels..." Dutchmiller: "And a reindeer with a yarmulka.""

"Wade: I AM LIKE, TOTALLY RUNNING WITH SCISSORS MAN![Stabbing Sound] Sam: OWWWWWWW! Wade, that was my gall-bladder! Wade: My bad dude! Sam: And Those are my scissors!"

"Doctor Chalmers: "I'm going crazy sitting here all day! Why am I here in the first place?""

"Doctor Chalmers: "Look at this! I'm way too intelligent for one of these contraptions. Little fool, cooking away.""

"Doctor Chalmers: "And I know this is not mine. Why would a want a mechanized proxy jabbering at me? Who would I want to talk to, anyway?""

"Doctor Chalmers: "That's checkmate . . . on myself. I really need something to talk to.""

"Doctor Chalmers: "Hmm. Maybe they know something.""

"Doctor Chalmers: "Hello, young males. Are your parents at home?" Sam: "Parents? I'm 26." Doctor Chalmers: "May I remind you that people have parents regardless of their age? I myself have two." Wade: "Hey, me too, man." Sam: "Can we help you?" Doctor Chalmers: "I have a dilly of a pickle on my hands, I don't really know how to explain it." Sam: "Close guess: You don't know where you are or how you got here?" Doctor Chalmers: "Are you mocking me? I find that most offensive." Sam: "In fact, you can't even remember your own name." Doctor Chalmers: "That's exactly right." Wade: "Have you checked your underwear, dude?" Doctor Chalmers: "Excuse me, son? I don't engage in that kind of talk." Sam: "We don't know much either. In fact, we're just figuring out our names." Wade: "His name is Sam." Sam: "And this is Wade." Wade: "Durrnt, dude." Doctor Chalmers: "Your name is Durrntdude?" Wade: "No, Durrnt . . . , dude." Doctor Chalmers: "I need to speak to someone who can talk." Sam: ". . ." Doctor Chalmers: "You people are no help to me! Good day!""

"Doctor Chalmers: "I mean really!""

"Doctor Chalmers: "All this nonsense over a fish. . . . They don't even appreciate it!" Sam: "What do you want them to do; say thanks?" Doctor Chalmers: "They should be helping out. Contribute to the group!" Sam: "They're pets!" Doctor Chalmers: "Exactimundo. We shouldn't be pampering them. We need to assess their worth." Sam: "Fish." Doctor Chalmers: "We need to test their limits of physical capabilities." Sam: "I don't think Spike and Sheila have 'physical capabilities.'" Doctor Chalmers: "Spike and Sheila? Who?" Sam: "Our new fish.""

"Doctor Chalmers: "How else are you going to indicate which one you want to eat?" Sam: "What?" Doctor Chalmers: "You can't just say 'I want to eat anonymous.' I mean really!""

"Doctor Chalmers: "I'll tell you what's right. When you combine Christmas and Hanukkah, you get twenty days of presents.""

"Doctor Chalmers: "With that attitude, I wouldn't expect a visit from Moses Claus.""

"Sam: "Don't you ever spend time at your house?" Doctor Chalmers: "I would, but someone has to clean up that pigsty. It's a mess." Sam: "Aren't you the only one who's ever been there?" Doctor Chalmers: "What is your point exactly?" Sam: "Look, I'm actually glad you're here. We need to talk." Doctor Chalmers: "I've already told you; this is my sweater vest." Sam: "No, it's not that." Doctor Chalmers: "And it was someone else who ate your delicious, homemade chocolate cake." Sam: "Someone ate my chocolate cake?" Doctor Chalmers: "Now, how would I know? . . . And don't ask me about the empty milk jar either.""

"Wade: "Dude! Other dude! Outrageous news, man!" Doctor Chalmers: "Oh no. Did Tovar get his head stuck in the dryer again?" Wade: "No." Sam: "The vaccum?" Wade: "No." Doctor Chalmers: "The garbage disposal?" Wade: "No, the toaster oven. But also . . . , there's been a murder, man!" Sam and Doctor Chalmers: "What?!" Wade: "Thats right! Nikki's dead!" Sam: "No! Not Nikki!" Doctor Chalmers: "Which one was she? Was she the one with the tiara?" Wade: "No, the other one." Doctor Chalmers: "Oh dear. Poor little other one. Oh.""

"Sam: "I can't believe it; she's really dead! Doctor Chalmers: I can't believe she's been living here all by herself. This place is huge! I've got dibs on her appliances!""

"Doctor Chalmers as Randy Jackson: "Look dawg, you know you're my dawg, right? I mean really, it totally canine! I was feelin' it, it was hot . . . , dawg. Mmm, I felt the hot dog, but yo dawg, not big on the song choice. A little pitchy. Little pitchy, a'ight?""

"Doctor Chalmers: "What up, dawg?""

"Tovar, as his oven catches on fire behind him: "What did Yay forget besides name? Hmm . . . Yay! Is garbage day! No."

"Griggs: "What your challenge, Charlie?" Tovar: "Yay am being from other country." Griggs: "Yeah, probably some foreign country, like Maine." Tovar: "Also, I burn down house; and burn moustachio!"

"Tovar: "Yay! That is why I'd be burning down my house!" Omnipotent voice: No, that was all you, moron."

"Tovar: "Starvation is like diet, with pain.""

"Tovar: "Is insult to God, is insult to person, and is insult to fish!""

"Tovar: "Yay! Tovar is having a good time!""

"Tovar: "Why is Nikki? Why is her, and not someone Tovar does not like . . . such as Old Guy(Chalmers), or the nerd(Sam)?"

"Tovar: "Poor Nikki. So sad to see her die in tornado." Sam: "There was no tornado." Tovar: "Plane crash." Sam: "No." Tovar: "Surface fire?" Sam: "NO!" Tovar: "Ah yes, Godzilla took her life." Wade: "Whyyyyy?" Tovar: "Fire breathing menace." Wade: "Whyyyyy?" Tovar: "He totalled the scene." Wade: "Why..." Tovar: "Curse you Godzilla! With your green spines, and firey breath, Tovar has bad breath too, but he takes mints now and then!""

"Tovar: Goodbye, Sam! Do not forget to be nerd!"

"Tovar: Tovar is having best idea for costume yet! Mustachio! Also, are many choices - for instance: Cowboy moustachio, Fancy moustachio, Milk moustachio, or - like Tovar - Sexy moustachio! Is even looking good on the ladies!"

"Tovar: "Hello, it was being very hot today." Sam: "...How hot was it?" Tovar: "Was so hot, Tovar is needing to remove coat. But no have coat! Is back hair!" Sam: "You suck!""

"Tovar: "Tovar is throwing up in hand.""

"Tovar: "Yai, am hungry to eat own soul.""

"Nikki: "You can dress as a witch really cheaply. Just wear all black and carry a broom." Tovar: "Yai, if wanting to look like goth maid. Could also listen to The Cure while scrubbing toilet.""

"Dutchmiller: "Mailbox! Fantastic. Yeah, trash can.""

"Dutchmiller: "Bedroom! . . . Bathroom! . . . There's the living room! . . . and the dining room!""