The Da Vinci Code

"The museum as mortuary, as site of death and entombment, starred in Dan Brown's best-selling Da Vinci Code. Yet the word most commonly linked with museums is 'boring'. Modern Londoners are said to see the as 'dusty, irrelevant and dull, … the place of boring school trips'. It is also stupefying in its immensity. 'Teenagers looking for ancient artefacts have to face an expedition almost as fraught as Indiana Jones's adventures in the Temple of Doom'. In New York's , a fleet-footed guide promises to deliver the top dozen masterpieces in under an hour. The champion of 'the six-minute Louvre' sprints past the ', the ', the ', exulting that 'there isn't a museum in the world that can keep me inside for very long'."

"On the verge of unveiling one of history’s greatest secrets, and he troubles himself with a woman who has proven herself unworthy of the quest."

"The blind see what they want to see."

"We were apparently rather resistant to the idea of destroying witches in England, unlike views espoused in so-called books — and I use the word "book" very loosely — like The Da Vinci Code. [pretends to spit in disgust] It is complete loose stool water. It is arse-gravy of the worst kind."

"The only difference between The Da Vinci Code and the gospels is that the gospels are ancient fiction while The Da Vinci Code is modern fiction."

"Sir Leigh: [to Robert and Sophie] Sometimes I wonder who is serving whom? Sir Leigh: [over the intercom to Rémy] I'll be right there, Remy. Can I bring you anything when I come? Rémy: Only freedom from oppression, sir."

"[H]istory is always written by the winners. When two cultures clash, the loser is obliterated, and the winner writes the history books—books which glorify their own cause and disparage the conquered foe. As Napoleon once said, "What is history, but a fable agreed upon?" By its very nature, history is always a one-sided account."

"Robert: The keystone is well hidden. Sir Leigh: Extremely well hidden, I hope! Robert: Actually, that depends on how often you dust under your couch."

"In my experience, men go to far greater lengths to avoid what they fear than to obtain what they desire."

"Silas: Stand up slowly, and give it to me. Sir Leigh: Standing is difficult for me. Silas: Precisely. I would prefer nobody attempt any quick moves."

"Robert: Who is that? What… happened? Sir Leigh: You were rescued by a knight brandishing an Excalibur made by Acme Orthopaedic."

"I can't imagine your complaint, sir. You trespassed in my home and placed a nasty welt on the skull of a dear friend. I would be well within my rights to shoot you right now and leave you to rot in the woods."

"Fortunately for you, we British judge man’s civility not by his compassion for his friends, but by his compassion for his enemies."

"Operator: Will you accept charges for a collect call from Robert Langdon? Jonas: Uh… sure, okay. Robert: Jonas? Jonas: Robert? You wake me up and you charge me for it?"

"Pilot: Sir, my humble apologies, but my diplomatic flight allowance provides only for you and your manservant. I cannot take your guests. Sir Leigh: Richard, two thousand pounds sterling and that loaded gun say you can take my guests. And that unfortunate fellow in the back."

"Get a transport up here. I'm going to London. And get me the Kent local police. Not British MI5. Kent local. Tell them I want Teabing's plane to be permitted to land. Then I want it surrounded on the tarmac. Nobody deplanes until I get there."

"Sophie: Leigh, I was serious about the French police finding your plane before we return. Sir Leigh: Yes, imagine their surprise if they board and find Rémy. Sophie: Leigh, you transported a bound hostage across international borders. This is serious. Sir Leigh: So are my lawyers. Robert: But you tied [Silas] up and flew him to London! Sir Leigh: "Your honour, forgive an eccentric old knight his foolish prejudice for the British court system. I realize I should have called the French authorities, but I'm a snob and I do not trust those laissez-faire French to prosecute properly. This man almost murdered me. Yes, I made a rash decision forcing my manservant to help me bring him to England, but I was under great stress. Mea culpa. Mea culpa." Robert: Coming from you, Leigh, that just might fly."

"Simon Edwards: I'm afraid your arrival has taken us a bit off guard, sir. Sir Leigh: I know. I'm off my schedule, I am. Between you and me, the new medication gives me the tinkles. Thought I'd come over for a tune-up."

"Chief inspector: I am here at the orders of the French Judicial Police. They claim you are transporting fugitives from the law on this plane. Sir Leigh: Is this one of those hidden camera programmes? Jolly good! Chief inspector: This is serious, sir. The French police claim that you also may have a hostage onboard. Rémy: I feel like a hostage working for Sir Leigh, but he assures me that I am free to go. … Sir Leigh: Inspector, I'm afraid I don't have time to indulge in your games. I'm late, and I'm leaving. If it is important for you to stop me, then you'll just have to shoot me. Chief inspector: Stop! I will fire! Sir Leigh: Go ahead. My lawyers will fricassee your testicles for breakfast. And if you dare board my plane without a warrant, your spleen will follow."

"Robert: Leigh, you lie entirely too well. Sir Leigh: Oxford Theatre Club. They still talk of my Julius Caesar. I'm certain nobody has ever performed the first scene of Act Three with more dedication. Robert: I thought Caesar was dead in that scene. Sir Leigh: Yes, but my toga tore open when I fell, and I had to lie on stage for half an hour with my todger hanging out. Even so, I never moved a muscle. I was brilliant, I tell you."

"I thought Constantine was a Christian."

"Those who seek the truth are more than friends. They are brothers."

"Nobody is more indoctrinated than the indoctrinator."

"We're on a Grail quest, Sophie. Who better to help us than a knight?"