The Birdcage

"You do an eclectic celebration of the dance! You do Fosse, Fosse, Fosse! You do Martha Graham, Martha Graham, Martha Graham! Or Twyla, Twyla, Twyla! Or Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd! Or Madonna, Madonna, Madonna!... but you keep it all inside."

"Yes, I wear foundation. Yes, I live with a man. Yes, I'm a middle-aged fag. But I know who I am, Val. It took me twenty years to get here, and I'm not gonna let some idiot senator destroy that. Fuck the senator, I don't give a damn what he thinks."

"[to Albert] My cemetery's in Key Biscayne. It's one of the prettiest in the world. The sky is blue, palm trees, rolling hills. The one is Los Copa's really shit. [sigh] What a pain in the ass you are. And it's true: you're not young, you're not new, and you do make people laugh. And me? I'm still with you because you make me laugh. So you know what I got to do? I got to sell my plot in Key Biscayne so I can get one next to you in that shithole Los Copa, so I never miss a laugh."

"Don't worry about that. I'm very maternal. And Albert's practically a breast."

"Armand Goldman, you old so-and-so! How 'bout those Dolphins! ... Screaming queen?"

"Louise Keeley: [examining the sexually provocative designs on the bowls] Oh, what interesting china. It looks like young men playing leapfrog."

"Come as you are."

"What could possibly come between a match made in heaven? The parents. Dinner. And a nightclub called... (The Birdcage)"

"Robin Williams - Armand Goldman"

"Gene Hackman - Senator Kevin Keeley"

"Nathan Lane - Albert Goldman"

"Dianne Wiest - Louise Keeley"

"Dan Futterman - Val Goldman"

"Calista Flockhart - Barbara Keeley"

"Hank Azaria - Agador Spartacus"

"Christine Baranski - Katharine Archer"

"Tom McGowan - Harry Radman"

"Grant Heslov - National Enquirer photographer"

"Luca Tommassini - Celsius"