"Maybe I should be married to one of the dolls just to make it extra sad. "Ten cats"—wh—why do I have ten cats? Is that even legal? Just missing a shirt that says I've never felt the touch of a man."

"I'm Penny, like the penny."

"Once I asked someone for a Tylenol and they gave me a Tylenol PM. I'm not sure what their intentions were, but…"

"I'm pretty sure we all took a fucking vow. I remember it. I remember raising my fucking hand and saying some shit."

"And I know there's a fucking Face/Off machine! You're jus' keeping it secret from me."

"Well, I make a habit out of doing things that people say I can't do. Walk through fire, waterski blindfolded, take up piano at a late age."

"You—times infinity."

"Nothing kills me. I'm immune to one-hundred seventy-nine different types of poison. I know because I ingested them all at once when I was deep undercover in an underground poison-ingesting crime ring."

"It was all a dream. Just kidding. A man's throat dissolved."

"Looks like you ate a box of crayons."

"Tell me: are your hemorrhoids particularly large, or just tenacious?"

"One of the guys. One of the spies."

"She's finally getting some action."

"Melissa McCarthy — Susan Cooper / Carol Jenkins / Penny Morgan"

"Jason Statham — Rick Ford"

"Rose Byrne — Rayna Boyanov"

"Jude Law — Bradley Fine"

"Miranda Hart — Nancy B. Artingstall"

"Bobby Cannavale — Sergio De Luca"

"Allison Janney — Elaine Crocker"

"Peter Serafinowicz — Aldo / Albert"

"Morena Baccarin — Karen Walker"

"50 Cent — himself"

"Michael McDonald — Patrick"