PCU

"These, Tom, are the Causeheads. They find a world-threatening issue and stick with it . . . for about a week."

"What is this? You're wearing the shirt of the band you're going to see. Don't be that guy."

"We need kegs, multiple, cold and domestic."

"Well, you call those useless, yurt-toting, frisbee-chucking cheeba-monkeys and you tell them you're gonna be an hour late."

"You remember this guy? He skippered Hitler's catamaran during the war."

"Sanskrit. You're majoring in a 5,000 year old dead language."

"Call me for the shower scene in "Dressed To Kill"."

"Alright right, whaddya need? Bottle rockets, dental dams, Redi Wips, term papers?"

"Those aren't women, Tom. Those are womynists."

"Pigman is trying to prove the Caine-Hackman theory. No matter what time it is, 24 hours a day, you can find a Michael Caine or Gene Hackman movie playing on TV."

"I don't know if you're aware, but there actually was music recorded before 1989."

"You can major in Game Boy if you know how to bullshit."

"Mmm. Warm, flat beer. Soggy chips. Think about that."

"Gutter is a tool!"

"Now we're even for the milkbones."

"You gotta make sure he gives you the bicentennial tour: 200 years of bull-shit."

"Are you just sitting around your dorm rooms playing cards and eating pizza? Is this the way you spent the majority of your four years in college? Would you like tonight to be different, you just don't have any place to go? Well, now you do! So turn off your radios and head on over. Tonight, at the Pit: Everyone Gets Laid."

"Mersh, you gotta lay off the pipe man. Clinton is playing right here!"

"Just one hit, then I gotta go."

"I... I didn't exhale?"

"Funk, Gutter, funk! George Clinton, Parliament Funkadelic. Dude, aren't you a music major?"

"We're getting housed here, guys. I say we bring in Blotter."

"Have a bong hit!"

"Just one binger to brighten up your day"

"Pride of the Port Chester sports program, Tom: Hippie Olympics. Doesn't matter who wins 'cause they're all losers. You know, it's sad, really. This school used to be a bastion of rich, white elitism. And now... now they let homosexuals on the football team. Whining minorities run the student government. And you can't even coerce a woman into having sex with you without being brought up on charges."

"I scheme and plan for months and it gets screwed up because you can't control the students! Never send a woman to do a man's job!"

"Whoa! Reality check here! Earth to tall bitch! What is your fault? This is!"

"Shower scene...."

""A Bridge Too Far." Caine and Hackman in the same movie. This is my thesis man! This is my closing argument! I CAN STOP WATCHING TV!"

"Pins and needles!"

"I think that Bisexual Asian Studies should have its own building. The question is who goes? The math department or the hockey team? ... I think Hockey, call me about it."

"You passed out cigarettes for a smoke-a-thon on Earth Day. You installed speed bumps on the handicapped ramps and, most recently, you dumped 100 pounds of meat on a peaceful vegan protest!"

"Afrocentrist: And the walls are painted white. And the chalk is white. And even the copy machine paper is white. This, my friend, is a white devil's conspiracy."

"Womynist: He's coming over here. Sisters, form a wall!"

"Old Woman: Excuse me. Can you blow me where the Pampers is?"

"Raji: Play Metallica and they will come."

"B.D.: Well, what I figure they did was they cut out a picture of your head and pasted it on another, different picture. I've done a little collage work myself."

"Womynist: You participated in a phallus naming?"