Murder by Death

"Conversation like television set on honeymoon…not necessary."

"Questions like athlete's foot…after a while, very irritating."

"Man who argue with cow on wall like train with no wheels, very soon get nowhere."

"Treacherous road like fresh mushroom...must always— [Willie drives the car away.] Idiot! Not finish mushroom story! You Idiot!"

"Someone gone to great trouble to make welcome guests, not so welcome."

"Son will get bags. That is why I adopted him."

"Big house like man married to fat woman…hard to get around."

"No pulse. No heartbeat. If condition does not change, this man is dead."

"Answer simple, but question, very hard."

"Someone just put deadly snake in room. Wake me when it come near bed."

"You feed cat…dog food?"

"Miss Marbles, I have admired you since I was tiny little detective."

"Voice come from cow on wall!"

"Room filled with empty people."

"He loved me very much, but he was not very observant. One day when I was nineteen, he called me to his study, realized for the first time that I was Oriental, and kicked me out of house!"

"Went back to theory seldom used today: "Butler Did It.""

"You should not speak with an accent when you know I'm so hungry."

"Monsieur Twain, we have been here nearly four hours and there has not been a hint of a hot dinner or a cold corpse. I must therefore bid you adieu."

"You don't have to say "dead butler." It's bad enough I have to put my hand in his pocket."

"One of us will be one million dollars richer, and one of us will be going to the gas chamber to be hung."

"Forgive me, but I was talking about patricide, not uncle-cide."

"Mr. Twain would come to France every season…to hunt poodles."

"I am not a Frenchie, I'm a Belgie!"

"You look taller to me. Why is that?"

"As a man you are barely passable, but as a woman you are a dog."

"There's nothing on him until '46, when he was picked up in El Paso, Texas for trying to smuggle a truckload of rich, white Americans across the border into Mexico to pick melons. He was sent to the Dallas state hospital for mental observation."

"Please, excuse Sam. He was shot in the head last week. He shouldn't even be out of the hospital."

"Why don't you ask the moose on the wall? He's been watching us since we came in."

"All right, we'll take turns. You look over the first dead, naked body that we find and I'll look over the second."

"That can only mean one thing—and I don't know what it is!"

"My motive is unimportant—let's just say I hated him enough to kill him."

"Where was ya, Wang? We was worried."

"The motive is simple: ego. If we were not to solve this crime, he would indeed be named the world's foremost detective. And with an ego like his, the fact that he had to die for it would be a small price to pay."

"Ten people for dinner, and I'm serving them hot nothing! You can't get good help today."

"I don't understand. Why would anybody want to steal a dead, naked body? (after she is told in a whisper:) Oh. That's tacky."

"I want you to know, Dickie darling, that if you're the murderer, I'll still love you. I don't think it would be right for us to make love, but I'd still love you."

"You've all been so clever for so long you've forgotten to be humble. You tricked and fooled your readers for years. You've tortured us all with surprise endings that make no sense. You've introduced characters in the last five pages who were never in the book before! You withheld clues and information that made it impossible for us to guess who did it! But now, the tables are turned. Millions of angry mystery readers are now getting their revenge. When the world learns how I've outsmarted you, they'll be selling your $1.95 books for $.12!"

"You are cordially invited to dinner…and a murder!"

"Truman Capote — Lionel Twain"

"James Coco — Inspector Milo Perrier"

"Peter Falk — Sam Diamond"

"Alec Guinness — Jamesir Bensonmum (the butler)"

"Elsa Lanchester — Miss Jessica Marbles"

"David Niven — Dick Charleston"

"Peter Sellers — Inspector Sidney Wang"

"Maggie Smith — Mrs. Dora Charleston"

"Eileen Brennan — Tess Skeffington"

"Nancy Walker — Yetta"

"Estelle Winwood — Miss Withers"

"James Cromwell — Marcel"