Matilda (film)

"No more Ms. Nice Girl."

"Check it if you don't believe me."

"I really hope you have a search warrant. According to a constitutional law book that I read in the library, if you don't have one, you could lose your job or even go to federal prison."

"The young woman is you!"

"But don't people need good cars? Can't you sell good cars, Dad?"

"Just kidding."

"For what, Miss Trunchbull?"

"You're very brave, Miss Honey."

"[Harry: Young lady, where were you?] Miss Trunchbull kept the whole school late because a boy ate some chocolate cake."

"I did not glue my hat to my head! The hat shrunk! The fibers fused to my hair!"

"The library? You've never set foot in a library. You're only four years old."

"Get in the car, Melinda!"

"You're a Wormwood, you start acting like one! Sit up and look at the TV!"

"What're they gonna do? Repossess the kid?"

"I'm great. I'm incredible. Michael, pencil and paper in the kitchen."

"Mine are driving me crazy. I'll tell ya, six hours a day of school is not enough."

"[cutting off Harry's hat with scissors] I still don't see how you glued your hat on, Harry. I mean, I know you say you didn't, but obviously, you did."

"Harry! I won! I won! I hit the double bingo! Come on, everybody. I'm taking you all to Café Le Ritz."

"Look, Miss Snit, a girl does not get anywhere by acting intelligent! I mean, take a look at you and me. You chose books - I chose looks. I have a nice house, a wonderful husband... and you are slaving away teaching snot-nosed children their ABCs. You want Matilda to go to college?"

"Because she's a spectacularly wonderful child and I love her."

"Photographs of my mother and father, and a beautiful doll my mother gave me with a china face. Lissy Doll, I called her. Would you like some milk?"

"Miss Trunchbull, I was the one who was at your house last night. I know that I-- [Miss Trunchbull: I broke your arm once before, I can do it again, Jenny.] I am not seven years old anymore, Aunt Trunchbull."

"Okay, listen up, everybody. Have a new student with us today. This is Matilda Wormwood. I'd like you to sit here with Lavender."

"I'd be happy to walk her home. [Zinnia: Well, nobody will be there. We're moving to Guam. Come on. Let's go.] Guam?"

"I need a car that is inexpensive, but reliable. Can you service me? [Harry: As a matter of speaking, yes. Welcome to Wormwood Motors. Harry Wormwood, owner, founder, whatever.] Agatha Trunchbull, principal, Crunchem Hall Elementary School. I warned you, sir. I want a tight car, because I'm on a tight ship. [Harry: Oh yeah, huh? Uh…] My school is a model of discipline. "Use the rod, beat the child". That's my motto. [Harry: Terrific motto.] Do you have any brats for yourself? [Harry: Yeah, I got a boy, Mikey, and one mistake, Matilda.] They're all mistakes, children. Filthy and nasty things. I'm glad I never was one. [Harry: Uh-huh. Well, since you're an educator, I'm gonna make you a great deal.] You'd better. [Harry: Let's do business!]"

"The distance the shot put goes depends upon the effort you put into it! PERSPIRATION!"

"Hop to, hippity-hop! The entire school will go to the assembly room, immediately. Sit!"

"Shut up! The entire school will stay another FIVE HOURS after school and copy from the dictionary! Any child who object will go straight into the Chokey... TOGETHER!"

"Useless flaming CAR! [storms towards Matilda] Wormwood! Sell me a lemon? [drags her through the hallways] You're heading for the Chokey, young lady! [Matilda: The Chokey?!] Teach you a lesson! [Matilda: What lesson?!] You and your father think you can make a fool out of me! [Matilda: My father?] The guy with the stupid haircut! [Matilda: I'm nothing like my father!] You're the spitting image! The apple never rots far from the tree!"

"WHY are all these women married?! Mrs. D? Mrs. I? You're supposed to be teaching spelling, not poetry!"

"[the kids giggle as they notice the newt in her glass of water] What’s funny? Hmm? Well, spit it out! Speak up! I like a joke as well as the next fat person!"

"[to Matilda] You're a liar and a scoundrel, and your father's a liar and a cheat! You're the most corrupt lowlifes in the history of civilization! Am I wrong? I'm never wrong! In this classroom, in this school, I AM GOD!"

"I'll be watching you, each and every one. When you turn the corner, when you go to your little cubbies to get your smelly little coats, when you skip merrily to lunch, I'll be watching you. All of you! [pointing at Matilda] And especially you!"

"[on phone to Harry] WORMWOOD! You useless used-car salesman scum, I want you around here NOW! With another car! Yes, I know what caveat emptor means, you lowlife liar! I'm gonna sue you, I'm gonna burn down your showroom, I'm gonna take that no-good jalopy you sold me and SHOVE IT UP YOUR BAZOOKA! When I'm finished with you, you're gonna look like ROADKILL! You what?"

"I am here to teach you all a lesson! [forcefully pushes a set of desks into the wall] Sometimes in life, horrible and unexplainable things happen. [kicks more desks into the wall] These things are a test of character! [pushes more desks into the wall] And I have character!"

"You… will be put away in a place where not even the crows can land their droppings on you!"

"The Trunchbull used to be in the Olympics: Shot-put, javelin, hammer throw. The hammer throw was her specialty."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Well, it's hard for me to remember a specific cake."

"Could you repeat the last one?"

"Give me the cookies."

"Hey, dip face, Have carrot!"

"[throwing marshmallows as Matilda was grabbing the book that was thrown] Hey, Dip face. Have a marshmallow. Have another marshmallow, Dip face. Dip face!"

"A little magic goes a long way."

"Kids Rule!"

"Somewhere inside all of us is the power to change the world."

"Mara Wilson — Matilda Wormwood-Honey"

"Danny DeVito — Harry Wormwood / Narrator"

"Rhea Perlman — Zinnia Wormwood"

"Embeth Davidtz — Miss Jennifer "Jenny" Honey"