Bean (film)

"[giving speech about the painting] Well, hello, I'm Dr. Bean, apparently. And my job is to sit and look at paintings. So, what have I learned that I can say about this painting? Well, firstly, it's quite big, which is excellent. Because if it was really small, you know, microscopic, then hardly anyone would be able to see it, which would be a tremendous shame. Secondly... And I'm getting quite near the end of this analysis of this painting. Secondly... Why was it worth this man, here, spending 50 million of your American dollars on this portrait? And the answer is... Well, this picture is worth such a lot of money, because... it's a picture of Whistler's mother. And as I've learned, by staying with my best friend, David Langley, and his family, families are very important. And even though Mr. Whistler was perfectly aware that his mother was a hideous old bat, who looked like she had a cactus lodged up her backside, he stuck with her... and even took the time to paint this amazing picture of her. It's not just a painting. It's a picture of a mad old cow who he thought the world of, and that's marvelous. Well, that's what I think anyway."

"I've given my life to art and from here on in, the only art I will get anywhere near are the pictures I draw on the pavement hoping passersby will throw nickels in my hat. I guess the long on the short of it: I wish I'd never been born."

"[about Mr. Bean getting arrested twice] Tell him his is a butt I would dearly love to kick. And next time I will."

"I don't know the difference between Picasso and a car crash."

"In the city of dreams...a nightmare has been unleashed."

"Once in a generation, a motion picture comes along that touches both our hearts and our souls. This is not one of them."

"One Man. One Masterpiece. One Very Big Mistake."

"The Ultimate Disaster Movie"

"Everything You've Heard Is True"

"Be afraid, be very afraid, Mr. Bean has a passport."

"Rowan Atkinson - Mr. Bean"

"Peter MacNicol - David Langley"

"John Mills - Chairman"

"Pamela Reed - Alison Langley"

"Harris Yulin - George Grierson"

"Burt Reynolds - General Newton"

"Larry Drake - Elmer"

"Sandra Oh - Bernice Schimmel"

"Danny Goldring - Security Buck"

"Johnny Galecki - Stingo Wheelie"

"Chris Ellis - Detective Butler"

"Andrew Lawrence - Kevin Langley"

"Peter Egan - Lord Walton"

"Peter Capaldi - Gareth"

"June Brown - Delilah"

"Peter James - Doctor Rosenblum"

"Tricia Vessey - Jennifer Langley"

"Richard Gant - Lieutenant Brutus"

"William Peters - Crowd Member 1"

"Rocky La Belle - Crowd Member 2"

"Ellis Marcel - Crowd Member 3"