Uk Tv Shows

"Sir Alan Sugar: I'll promise you this. As sure as I've got a hole in my bloody arse, when it gets down to the Final Two, all these people who are saying nice things will not. (On Michelle and Ruth's friendship)"

"(After Invicta win the task, they are on their treat and have had their meal. But after the meal is a row between Paul and Michelle) Paul Tulip: Well, why did you care? Michelle Dewberry: What? Why can I not say... Narrator, Mark Halliley: Paul is accused of attacking Project Manager, Sharon behind her back. Paul Tulip: Apparently, last night I was "slagging" Sharon's management style, outside. Now that is bullshit! Sharon McAllister: No, but you did say that! Paul Tulip: Right, well... Michelle Dewberry: No, let me... Paul Tulip: Right, well....do you not think that...why is she so bothered about what we're doing? Michelle Dewberry: Wha... Who's she? Would that be me stood here? Paul Tulip: That would be you, yeah. Michelle Dewberry: 'Cause you two were having a conversation and you're acting like I'm not here... Paul Tulip: It's Chinese Whispers! By the time it gets to Sharon, it's completely different! Michelle Dewberry: And that's my fault? Syed Ahmed: Basically... Paul Tulip: It makes it look like we went outside last night and had a chat about Sharon! Sharon and the task wasn't even mentioned! We were talking about other... (In the background, Michelle and Syed also argue) Michelle Dewberry: But you're not listening to me! Paul Tulip: 'Cause you're talking shit! Michelle Dewberry: I don't think so, Paul! I don't think so! Paul Tulip: You are! You're talking absolute shit! Michelle Dewberry: Oh, fuck off! You're not even listening to me, Paul! Paul Tulip: 'Cause you're not making sense! You're not making sense! Michelle Dewberry: I've asked you a question! You don't even let me answer... Paul Tulip: Well, justify yourself then! You just tell me one thing that I've said... Michelle Dewberry: Why do I need to justify myself to you? Paul Tulip: Because you're talking shit! Michelle Dewberry: I don't think so. Paul Tulip: Well, tell me one thing I said about Sharon and I'll back off like I said. Michelle Dewberry: I repeated...right, what I've done in all of this is I said I made a mistake and I apologize to you because I'm repeating something that you told to Sharon which did center around you, and I apologize... Paul Tulip: Right, which you didn't even hear from my mouth! Michelle Dewberry: No! But... Paul Tulip: That's your mistake. You've passed on something to me that you didn't even hear me say... Syed Ahmed: Secondly...Secondly... Paul Tulip: Well that's just...(scoffs)What more can I say?"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Samuel, with your hands in your pockets, not a salesman... (somewhat disdainfully) What did you do? Samuel Judah: I contributed with the idea that... Sir Alan Sugar: I tell you what. Do me a favor. Shut that book at the moment, I want to hear what you can do without your notes alright? Samuel Judah: (reluctantly) Fine. (he obeys) Sir Alan Sugar: Shut the book, put your pen down and talk to me. Stop looking at notes, okay? What did you do?"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Samuel, can I ask you a direct question? Samuel Judah: Yes of course, Sir Alan. Sir Alan Sugar: Do you think if you weren't there, it would have made any difference?"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Jo, you've been here too many times. It's a shame, but I thought you had more potential. But Jo, I'm sorry to say, this time, you're fired. Jo Cameron: I thought I expected this, because I accept the fact I've been here four times, but I think that what that demonstrates is that I've got the resilience of a survivor. I'm happy to go out here on the basis of like, being crap, but I don't believe that I am... Sir Alan Sugar: Jo, Jo. There comes a time when everybody - everybody - is saying the same thing, and even me, I will say 'You know what? Give it up Alan, enough's enough.' Jo, you're fired. Jo Cameron: Can I just ask one more time just to give me one last chance? Sir Alan Sugar: I'm afraid not. No I'm afraid not. That's it."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (on reading Jo Cameron's CV) Says here she used to train Financial Directors for MG Rover. No wonder they went bloody skint."

"Paul Tulip: How many stripes have you got? Syed Ahemd: I've got loads of stripes! Paul Tulip: No, let's have a look at how many stripes you've got under there 'cause the more you have, the more important you are. Syed Ahmed: (understanding Paul's question) I've got three. Paul Tulip: Oh! It's just that I've got four! (showing Syed his shoulder stripes)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: You seem to have gone from anchor to wanker! (to Mani Sandher)"

"Ruth Badger: Tell me what you mean by autocratic? Mani Sandher: I haven't got time for this - look it up in the dictionary. Ruth Badger: Okay. Patronising as well."

"Sir Alan Sugar: I did have a preview of that tape before. Nick actually gave it to me and when he gave it to me, I thought he had mixed it up with one of his other videos, because to me it looks like a 1970s porno movie Debbie Does Dallas. (Nick and Ruth exchange amused looks)"

"Paul Tulip: (to the camera) If I get brought back into the boardroom, I'm gonna laugh my head off and just absolutely annihilate Alexa. (In the end Paul wasn't brought back into the final boardroom)"

"Alexa Tilley: I had to take my lead from Tuan and Syed because I don't have restaurant experience. Nick Hewer: Well, you did work in a pizza parlor, you told me. Alexa Tilley: Yes, I sold pizzas at Asda but I don't really have experience of quantities that would go into producing that number of pizzas."

"Sir Alan Sugar: It was dictated to you? By who? Syed Ahmed: By the chef. Sir Alan Sugar: What, the chef said 'Buy 100 chickens'? (doubtfully) You sure?"

"The Invicta Chef: (on the argument between Samuel and Tuan) Welcome to the catering world."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Mani Sandher) You think you did a good job? Mani Sandher: I did the best job I could. Sir Alan Sugar: (to Invicta) How did we get on here then? How do you like having a lady operating you then? Any good? (brief pause) Don't all rush. Tuan Le: Could be better. Sir Alan Sugar: (to Alexa Tilley) You think you did a good job? Alexa Tilley: I enjoyed it. I think we worked alright together as a team. Sir Alan Sugar: Anything else you've got to say chaps? Paul Tulip: I'd be very surprised if we won."

"Sir Alan Sugar: I've set you lot a task and now have got to fire someone; quite frankly I'd like to get rid of the bleeding three of you. Tell me why I shouldn't get rid of you, now! Syed Ahmed: Because I'm a winner, Sir Alan, that's why. Sir Alan Sugar: You're not a bloody winner! You lost! Syed Ahmed: I've learnt from my mistakes, and I've learnt from this, definitely, and this well never happen again. Sir Alan Sugar: Business is not about come in, piss my money up the wall, "Oh, never mind, sorry you lost it, now you've learnt your lesson, you won't do it again." Syed Ahmed: I've learnt life the hard way, from a young age. Sir Alan Sugar: I hold you 100% responsible. Syed Ahmed: And I put in 150%. Sir Alan Sugar: I hold you 100% responsible! Syed Ahmed: I stepped up to the mark, and I... Sir Alan Sugar: I'm sorry, Syed, I hold you 100% responsible. But... (to Alexa) I warned you, I warned you severely about this. You have not come to the table today, I still don't understand what you did. He [Syed] should be going with you also... You're a very, very bad manager. You didn't manage this thing properly. You're a lightweight. You're fired! (brief pause) I'm really angry with this situation. Clear off! (Alexa, Syed and Tuan get up and start to leave. Before walking out the door, Syed turns to Sir Alan) Syed Ahmed: Thank you, Sir Alan, thank you for the opportunity. (leaves) Sir Alan Sugar: Cheeky bastard. "Thank you for the opportunity.""

"Sir Alan Sugar: What a shower. What a bloody shower! (about the losing team)"

"Margaret Mountford: Velocity had a float of £2,000. They spent £1,097, and they took £1,423, so they made a profit of £326. Sir Alan Sugar: Right, okay. Nick? Nick Hewer: Well, Invicta were also given a budget of £2,000... they spent it. Sir Alan Sugar: They spent all of it? Nick Hewer: Yep, bar £6. Took only £1,186, which resulted I'm afraid in a thumping loss of £807. Sir Alan Sugar: LOSS! That's a first, chaps! That's a first!"

"Nick Hewer: So that's 100 chickens and 100 chicken tikka pizzas, one chicken per pizza? Alexa Tilley: That... that sounds like a lot of chickens."

"Paul Tulip: (In an Italian accent) You mess with me, I carve you up!"

"Syed Ahmed: We need 100 chickens, we need 30 kilos of minced beef, and we need 45 kilos of gammon. So I'll repeat that again, 45 kilos of gammon, minced beef 30 kilos, chicken: 100 chickens. (on the phone to the wholesaler)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Do I need another corporate lawyer? The answer is no. Karen, you're fired!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: I just don't know whether you're some sort of bloody nutter. (to Jo Cameron)"

"Virgin Megastores buyer: (about Invicta's children's calendar) It's got a look of desktop publishing about it. Mani Sandher: Does it? Virgin Megastores buyer: I don't think we'll be able to pay more than £2.70-£2.75 for this. (silence)"

"Syed Ahmed: (After the Harrods pitch and moving on to the Virgin pitch) We got annihilated! I still don't know what the retail price is! Paul Tulip: I can't believe they were asking us, "What do you think we should put the retail price on?" Eh?! Syed Ahmed: Thirty six hours! Paul Tulip: Thirty six hours you're meant to be doing that sort of thing!"

"Mani Sandher: You don't have a clue what we're doing, do you? You don't have a clue what we're doing! Syed Ahmed: Well, why don't you explain it then... Mani Sandher: I can't be bothered to explain it to you, 'cause it'll take all day!"

"Nargis Ara: Ask me any questions. Virgin Megastores buyer: What sort of retail price are... Nargis Ara: (interrupting) I haven't finished speaking!"

"Nargis Ara: Did you know that there are six million cat owners in the UK alone? (the opening line to all her pitches)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Tuan, you're being very quiet and it don't rub off on me just sitting back and letting everyone hang themselves. If anyone's going to be fired amongst you gentlemen today, who would you pick? Tuan Le: (instantly) Ben. Sir Alan Sugar: (somewhat surprised) You would? Tuan Le: Yes."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Ben, name them. Two people that are coming back into this boardroom with you because one of you is gonna get fired. Ben Stanberry: Well, I'm very disappointed by the lack of loyalty, they didn't stand up to be counted; to be a leader, they put me out there. I took up the challenge... Sir Alan Sugar: I didn't ask you that question, I'm not looking for a lecture. Name the two people you'd think that didn't perform in this task, 'cause one of you is gonna get fired. Ben Stanberry: Samuel and Syed."

"Sir Alan Sugar: I've got your card marked. (to Syed)"

"Syed Ahmed: I grew up in the East End, and have had to work for everything, no handouts... (whenever he found himself in the firing line)"

"This is not a game, this is a 12 week job interview (Sir Alan's opening line at the opening credits of Series 2)"

"Paul Kemsley: And what's my body language telling you? Saira Khan: Well, I would say that you're not very convinced by me... Paul Kemsley: No, you're right. I'm not completely convinced."

"(The second firing) Sir Alan Sugar: Well if we're different then Paul,then maybe you've just answered it for me. Because I can't afford to gamble on you Paul. As experienced as I am, I've got to listen to what other people are saying to me, and there's too many vibes coming through to me that say Paul, I'm gonna have to let you go. You're Fired. (Slight pause) Paul Torrisi: Do you know? Before I came here, I didn't know a single person that had a bad word to say about me and I've taken nothing but criticism in the whole time that I've been here. Why is that? That I don't know anyone with a bad word to say about me, yet here I haven't got a single person to say a good word about me. Apart from the people that I've lived in the house with. Sir Alan Sugar: Why's that a good question? (Paul struggles to answer) Well go away and think about it. Paul Torrisi: Well, I've got nothing better to do now, have I?"

"(The first firing) Sir Alan Sugar: James, you haven't convinced me. I don't think you're a long term player for me to be perfectly honest, that's my... that's my only reason. I think you've been excellent, very professional. I'm letting you go, You're Fired."

"Paul Torrisi: Yes, I am Italian. I do have a temper... Margaret Mountford: That's not an excuse for having a temper."

"Flashback Bordan Tkachuk: Well, you tell me. It's called The Apprentice. Flashback Paul Torrisi: Yes, we've come here to be apprentices to Sir Alan... Flashback Bordan Tkachuk: Mm-hm? Flashback Paul Torrisi: But by that same token, I think he wants someone with some experience. (back in the boardroom) Bordan Tkachuk: I think he got confused, I don't think he knows he's here to be an apprentice. I think he's here, in fact, to be your troubleshooter. To put all your wrongs and ills to right. Sir Alan Sugar: Trouble maker, maybe."

"(The beginning of the very first interviews and the introduction of the interviewers) Sir Alan Sugar: You may be wondering what we're going to get up to today and you may also be wondering about some of these new faces that you see here. Now what's going to happen here is, is that you lot are going to go through a grueling interview. And at the end of the interview session, they're going to sit down with me and they're going to give me their opinion about whether any of you are worthy of working for me. Nick and Margaret are very well known to you. (the camera focuses on Sir Alan's troubleshooter Claude Littner who stands in the middle.) Now Claude, he's actually been in Denmark for me, he's been in Paris, he actually ran Tottenham Hotspur for quite a while, that's why he's lost a bit of hair. (Claude smiles vaguely. On Claude's right is Bordan Tkachuk) Bordan has been in Australia, he's been in Italy and currently runs our computer organization at Viglen. (The camera focuses finally on Paul Kemsley) Now Paul doesn't actually work for me but he's associated with me, okay? He's a very successful businessman in his own right. And he's here to give me a view from a younger perspective."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Viscoelastic foam? What a load of bollocks. What a pile of tat that is there, honestly. A lump of bloody foam for a hundred and fifty-four pounds. I'll tell you what son, you sell any of them, you're a bloody good salesman, that's all I can say. (about James and Saira's airbed choice, which then went on to sell extremely well)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Ben before firing him) You say in your CV "in my career I win all the time." Well I tell you, this time you haven't won. 'Cause this time, You're Fired!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Paul, why shouldn't I fire you?"

"Paul Torrisi: We never bought the bloody venison; we were over at the bloody printers!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: (in the first "With regret" firing) Sebastian, you're the one that's worried me the most today. People tend to seem to take the characteristics of their products I think, I personally have always been a very "Bang, bang, get stuff made, that's Amstrad." That's me, good quality products, a bit rough and ready. I see you more as a Cartier and Rolls Royce man to be perfectly frank and it's with regret that I'm going to tell you: You're Fired."

"Paul Torrisi: I am a Roman Catholic and God is my witness: I shook her hand outside. Sir Alan Sugar: Yeah? Well, I'm Jewish and I couldn't care less."

"Sir Alan Sugar: You should have stuck to Mac Man like shit to a blanket."

"Paul Torrisi: There's a slight pause, and then it's a giggle. [Actor laughs half-heartedly] Not funny enough! Raj Dhonota: Tell him a friggin' joke man! What's the matter with you? Paul Torrisi: Okay. An aardvark walked into a pub, and the barman said, "Why the long face?" Raj Dhonota: I dunno. Paul Torrisi: Well... that's the joke. An aardvark has a long face. Raj Dhonota: Oh."

"Paul Torrisi: I can sell anything Sir Alan Sugar: Well, you didn't."

"Raj Dhonota: The whole group was fully snotty though. (On First Forte) Saira Khan: (normal vocie) Well they are. They've got (posh voice) Sebastian who talks very terribly posh and they've got, oh James, who knows everybody in London. (Normal voice)Oh, yea- he must have gone through the list and gone (higher posh voice) Oh. Victoria Daid had them round for tea the other day and the person who had gone the Goldman's Sachs and my mother's related to him. (slowly going back to normal) And oh-ladi plum. (back to normal voice) And they've got Miriam who plays the piano and Miss Artistic..."

"Paul Torrisi: First time we have a girl as a project leader and it's the first time we lose. Matthew Palmer: (laughs) That's irrelevant. We couldn't have kept on that streak while some of our team were being- Paul Torrisi: Give a woman a position of power and they go fucking doolally. All of a sudden they think they're Adolf flamin' Hitler."