"[as an entourage of suits - led by Clark's boss - passes by single file] Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah."

"Well I'm gonna park the cars and get the luggage, and well, I'll be outside for the...season."

"Juliette Lewis - Audrey Griswold"

"Beverly D'Angelo - Ellen Griswold"

"Chevy Chase - Clark Wilhelm "Sparky" Griswold, Jr."

"There's No Place Like Home for a Holiday!"

"Yule crack up!"

"Clark W. Griswold, Sr.: [extreme close-up] SQUIRREL!!!"

"Mr. Shirley: [picks up the phone receiver] Get me somebody. Anybody. And get me somebody while I'm waiting."

"Art: Hurry up, Clark. I'm freezing my baguettes off."

"Ellen Griswold: Welcome to our home - what's left of it."

"Ellen Griswold: I don't know what to say, except it's Christmas and we're all in misery."

"[to Claire] You know how you said before that your parents use you to get back at each other? Wouldn't I be outstanding in that capacity?"

"Paul Gleason — Vice Principal Richard Vernon"

"Ally Sheedy — Allison Reynolds"

"Molly Ringwald — Claire Standish"

"Judd Nelson — John Bender"

"[first lines] Saturday, March 24, 1984. Shermer High School, Shermer, Illinois, 60062. Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did was wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. What do you care? And you see us as you want to see us - in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. You see us as a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess, and a criminal. Correct? That's the way we saw each other at 7:00 this morning. We were brainwashed."

"Anthony Michael Hall — Brian Ralph Johnson"

"Emilio Estevez — Andrew "Andy" Clark"

"Five strangers with nothing in common, except each other."

"Chicks cannot hold their smoke, dat's what it is."

"Screws fall out all the time; the world is an imperfect place."

"They were five total strangers, with nothing in common, meeting for the first time. A brain, a beauty, a jock, a rebel and a recluse. Before the day was over, they broke the rules. Bared their souls and touched each other in a way they never dreamed possible."

"They only met once, but it changed their lives forever."

"Yeah, I got a question. Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?"

"Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up? If he gets up, we'll all get up…it'll be anarchy!'"

"John Kapelos — Carl, the Janitor"