"[to Oscar] You don't seem to be evil, you seem to be more of a grouch. [Darth Vader holds his hand up with a pinching motion] What is that? What is that? What does it mean? I don't know... you've lost me. Is that your breathing? Because I can't hear myself think. [pause] Let me tell you kindly, just simplify. There's too much going on! You're not evil, you're asthmatic, and what's with the cape? Are we going to the opera? I don't think so. Goodbye! [Darth Vader and Oscar the Grouch leave]"

"Christopher Guest - Ivan the Terrible"

"Whose job is it, to find these damn weapons?"

"My dad would have kicked me in the crotch if I was where you are now, junior."

"Just what are you cut out for? Getting into car accidents? Chasing tail? Driving drunk? What do you think you are, a Kennedy? You're a Bush! Start acting like one! Can't even hold a job. We always worked for a living. It's damn time you joined the rest of us and decided just what it is you're gonna do with your life."

"You disappoint me, junior. You deeply disappoint me."

"I'll never get out of Poppy's shadow!"

"[On his father] This is my war, not his!"

"God bless us all, and may God continue to bless America."

"Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice... you can't get fooled again."

"I believe God wants me to be president. I can't explain it, but something's going to happen, and America's going to need me."

"[after U.S. troops invade Iraq] That's for everyone who doesn't think I won in 2000!"

"[repeated line] Just tell me what to do!"

"Iran is not Iraq and Iraq is not Iran. I know that."

"Want to know what I see, Mr. President? I see a world where, in about 25 years, America's reserves are gone. Done. Demand is up, 30-40%, and we have two oceans blocks us from the world's reserves. You think we're gonna have allies then?"

"The American people want revenge. They liked Afghanistan, they want more!"

"Josh Brolin - George W. Bush"

"Elizabeth Banks - Laura Bush"

"James Cromwell - George H. W. Bush"

"Richard Dreyfuss - Dick Cheney"

"Toby Jones - Karl Rove"

"Ellen Burstyn - Barbara Bush"

"Scott Glenn - Donald Rumsfeld"

"Jeffrey Wright - Colin Powell"

"Thandie Newton - Condoleezza Rice"

"Mike Horner — Bill Orally (Bill O'Reilly)"

"Evan Stone — Professor"

"Lee Stone — Supporting cast"

"Alec Knight — Husband (Todd Palin)"

"Mick Blue — Russian soldier"

"Sascha — Russian soldier"

"Sindee Jennings — Young Serra Paylin"

"Jada Fire — Condi (Condoleezza Rice)"

"Nina Hartley — Hilly (Hillary Clinton)"

"Lisa Ann — Serra Paylin (Sarah Palin)"

"Once again, the hypocritical left is trying to have it both ways. First, they criticize Governour Paylin for not having enough experience in the foreign policy arena. And then they slam her, because she's trying to show are godless, vodka swilling neigbours just a little down-home-hospitality. They make it sound like full lips, great tits, piercing-brown eyes and an ass that just won't quit for a bad thing. Well, excuse me: It that is a bad thing, than cut off my dick and express mail it to the nearest gay rightsparade."

"You know Hillary, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but it's really hard to concentrate when your tongue's in my hoo hoo."

"You betcha, get naked!"

"Welcome To The Greatest Show On Earth"

"Sometimes you can assassinate a leader without firing a shot."

"[Trying to dig up dirt on Shelly Runyon] I want something EMBARRASSING! Something sexual! Little boys, midgets, that sort of thing! Cows! I don't give a goddamn!"

"The people of this nation can stomach quite a bit. But the one thing they can't stomach is the image of a vice president with a mouthful of cock."

"Take a magic marker, cross out the word "objectivity". Your constituents want you for your opinions, your philosophy, for your subjectivity."

"[to President Jackson Evans] We're both sticking to our guns. The difference is, mine are loaded."

"I should have come down here and pointed my finger your way... [points at Rep. Shelley Runyon] ... pointed my finger YOUR way, and asked "Have you no decency, sir?""