"Will teenage audiences walk out of "Mean Girls" determined to break with the culture of cliques, gossip and rules for popularity? Not a chance. That's built into high school, I think. But they may find it interesting that the geeks are more fun than the queen bees, that teachers have feelings, and that you'll be happier as yourself than as anybody else. I guess the message is, you have to live every day as if you might suddenly be hit by a school bus."

"Interestingly, American Pie failed to spawn a new trend of feel-good teen comedies, largely because they're just not believable. The best teens can get are compromise movies like 2004's Mean Girls, a comedy about the nasty popular girls in a high school, whose happy resolution only comes after a violent accident."

"Beware of the plastics."

"Watch your back: They're your friends."

"Only the strong survive!"

"This winter, be part of the in-crowd. (Selected tagline)"

"Welcome to Girl World."

"Never in my 14 years as an educator have I seen such vicious, reckless and violent behavior. And from young ladies. I got parents calling me on the phone asking, "Did someone get shot?" I oughta cancel your spring fling! But I can tell that from the looks on your faces, you'd be very upset. Well, I'm not gonna do that because we've already paid the DJ. So you can all relax. But don't think for one second that I am not taking this Burn Book seriously!! Coach Carr has fled school property, and is nowhere to be seen or found. Miss Norbury's been accused of selling drugs, and could be sentenced to life in prison. Now what these young ladies in this grade need is an attitude makeover. And you're gonna get it. Right now. I don't care how long it takes; I will keep you here all night, if I have to!"

"ALL JUNIOR GIRLS REPORT TO THE GYMNASIUM IMMEDIATELY!! IMMEDIATELY!!!"

"Hell, no; I did not leave the South side for this!"

"This girl is the nastiest skank bitch I've ever met! Do not trust her! She is a fugly slut!!"

"[to the female student body] Okay, yeah. I've got an apology. So, I have this friend who is a new student this year. And I convinced her that it would be fun to mess up Regina George's life. So I had her pretend to be friends with Regina, and then she would come to my house after school and we would just laugh about all the dumb stuff Regina said. And we gave these candy bar things that would make her gain weight, and then we turned her best friends against her. And then... oh yeah, Cady – you know my friend Cady? Well, she made out with her boyfriend, and we convinced him to break up with her. Oh, God, and we gave her foot cream instead of face wash. [to Regina] God! I am so sorry about all this, Regina. I am, really. I don't know why I did it; I just couldn't help myself. I guess it's probably because for some reason, I've got a big lesbian crush on you. And if that doesn't solve all of your problems, I don't know what will! So suck on that! AY-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI!!"

"This is Damian: he's almost too gay to function."

"Where you sit in the cafeteria is crucial because you got everybody there. You got your Freshmen, ROTC Guys, Preps, JV Jocks, Asian Nerds, Cool Asians, Varsity Jocks, Unfriendly Black Hotties, Girls Who Eat Their Feelings, Girls Who Don't Eat Anything, Desperate Wannabes, Burnouts, Sexually Active Band Geeks, The Greatest People You Will Ever Meet, and The Worst. Beware of The Plastics."

"Why should Caesar get to stomp around like a giant, while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? What's so great about Caesar? Hm? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar. Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. People totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar. And when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody, huh? Because that's not what Rome is about. We should totally just stab Caesar!"

"[voice-over] Calling somebody else fat won't make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter. And ruining Regina George's life definitely didn't make me any happier. All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you."

"[voice-over] In the regular world, Halloween is when children dress up in costumes and beg for candy. In Girl World, Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it."

"[voice-over] Having lunch with The Plastics was like leaving the Actual World and entering Girl World. And Girl World had a lot of rules."

"Wasn't my mom a Betty? She died when I was just a baby. A fluke accident during a routine liposuction."

"[to Dionne, about Mr. Hall and Miss Geist] Will you look at that body language? Legs crossed towards each other. That's an unequivocal sex invite."

"[arguing her way out of a tardy] Mr. Hall, I was surfing the crimson wave. I had to haul ass to the ladies'."

"Dionne and I were both named after great singers of the past who now do infomercials."

"[repeated line] As if!"

"Suddenly, a dark cloud settled over first period. I got a C in Debate?!"

"Justin Walker – Christian Stovitz"

"Twink Caplan – Miss Toby Geist"

"Wallace Shawn – Mr. Wendell Hall"

"Dan Hedaya – Mel Horowitz"

"Jeremy Sisto – Elton Tiscia"

"Isn't my house classic? The columns date all the way back to 1972."

"Breckin Meyer – Travis Birkenstock"

"Elisa Donovan – Amber Mariens"

"Donald Faison – Murray"

"Paul Rudd – Josh Lucas"

"Brittany Murphy – Tai Fraiser"

"Stacey Dash – Dionne Davenport"

"Alicia Silverstone – Cher Horowitz"

"So, okay, you're probably going, "Is this, like, a Noxzema commercial or what?" But seriously, I actually have a way normal life for a teenage girl."

"Sex. Clothes. Popularity. Whatever."

"Sex. Clothes. Popularity. Is there a problem here?"