"[to Matilda] You're a liar and a scoundrel, and your father's a liar and a cheat! You're the most corrupt lowlifes in the history of civilization! Am I wrong? I'm never wrong! In this classroom, in this school, I AM GOD!"

"[the kids giggle as they notice the newt in her glass of water] What’s funny? Hmm? Well, spit it out! Speak up! I like a joke as well as the next fat person!"

"WHY are all these women married?! Mrs. D? Mrs. I? You're supposed to be teaching spelling, not poetry!"

"Useless flaming CAR! [storms towards Matilda] Wormwood! Sell me a lemon? [drags her through the hallways] You're heading for the Chokey, young lady! [Matilda: The Chokey?!] Teach you a lesson! [Matilda: What lesson?!] You and your father think you can make a fool out of me! [Matilda: My father?] The guy with the stupid haircut! [Matilda: I'm nothing like my father!] You're the spitting image! The apple never rots far from the tree!"

"Shut up! The entire school will stay another FIVE HOURS after school and copy from the dictionary! Any child who object will go straight into the Chokey... TOGETHER!"

"Hop to, hippity-hop! The entire school will go to the assembly room, immediately. Sit!"

"The distance the shot put goes depends upon the effort you put into it! PERSPIRATION!"

"I need a car that is inexpensive, but reliable. Can you service me? [Harry: As a matter of speaking, yes. Welcome to Wormwood Motors. Harry Wormwood, owner, founder, whatever.] Agatha Trunchbull, principal, Crunchem Hall Elementary School. I warned you, sir. I want a tight car, because I'm on a tight ship. [Harry: Oh yeah, huh? Uh…] My school is a model of discipline. "Use the rod, beat the child". That's my motto. [Harry: Terrific motto.] Do you have any brats for yourself? [Harry: Yeah, I got a boy, Mikey, and one mistake, Matilda.] They're all mistakes, children. Filthy and nasty things. I'm glad I never was one. [Harry: Uh-huh. Well, since you're an educator, I'm gonna make you a great deal.] You'd better. [Harry: Let's do business!]"

"I'd be happy to walk her home. [Zinnia: Well, nobody will be there. We're moving to Guam. Come on. Let's go.] Guam?"

"Okay, listen up, everybody. Have a new student with us today. This is Matilda Wormwood. I'd like you to sit here with Lavender."

"Miss Trunchbull, I was the one who was at your house last night. I know that I-- [Miss Trunchbull: I broke your arm once before, I can do it again, Jenny.] I am not seven years old anymore, Aunt Trunchbull."

"Photographs of my mother and father, and a beautiful doll my mother gave me with a china face. Lissy Doll, I called her. Would you like some milk?"

"Because she's a spectacularly wonderful child and I love her."

"Look, Miss Snit, a girl does not get anywhere by acting intelligent! I mean, take a look at you and me. You chose books - I chose looks. I have a nice house, a wonderful husband... and you are slaving away teaching snot-nosed children their ABCs. You want Matilda to go to college?"

"Harry! I won! I won! I hit the double bingo! Come on, everybody. I'm taking you all to Café Le Ritz."

"[cutting off Harry's hat with scissors] I still don't see how you glued your hat on, Harry. I mean, I know you say you didn't, but obviously, you did."

"Mine are driving me crazy. I'll tell ya, six hours a day of school is not enough."

"I'm great. I'm incredible. Michael, pencil and paper in the kitchen."

"What're they gonna do? Repossess the kid?"

"You're a Wormwood, you start acting like one! Sit up and look at the TV!"

"Get in the car, Melinda!"

"The library? You've never set foot in a library. You're only four years old."

"I did not glue my hat to my head! The hat shrunk! The fibers fused to my hair!"

"[Harry: Young lady, where were you?] Miss Trunchbull kept the whole school late because a boy ate some chocolate cake."

"You're very brave, Miss Honey."

"For what, Miss Trunchbull?"

"Just kidding."

"But don't people need good cars? Can't you sell good cars, Dad?"

"The young woman is you!"

"I really hope you have a search warrant. According to a constitutional law book that I read in the library, if you don't have one, you could lose your job or even go to federal prison."

"Check it if you don't believe me."

"No more Ms. Nice Girl."

"[to Sam] Sweetheart, now that you're old enough, there's something I've always wanted to tell you and I think you're ready to hear it: you're not very pretty and you're not very bright. I'm so glad we had that talk."

"Julie Gonzalo - Shelby"

"Andrea Avery - Gabriella"

"Madeline Zima - Brianna"

"Regina King - Rhonda"

"Dan Byrd - Carter"

"Chad Michael Murray - Austin Ames"

"Jennifer Coolidge - Fiona"

"Hilary Duff - Sam Montgomery"

"Austin: I live in a world full of people pretending to be something they're not. But when I talk to you I'm the guy I want to be."

"Shelby: [Sam walks down the main stairs into the dance] Love her dress. Hate her."

"Hal: Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game."

"[after Sam and Austin get together] Oh my God! You gotta love high school!"

"Have no fear! Zorro is here... [slight pause] AND HE'S GOT THE KEYS TO HIS DAD'S MERCEDES!"

"[repeated line] Anything is possible if you just believe."

"[to Rhonda, biting her freshly manicured nail] I'm a very appealing person."

"Jonathan Bennett – Aaron Samuels"

"Amanda Seyfried – Karen Smith"