"[to Chris] You and I are gonna be the greatest musical manager team since Jessica Simpson and her father only you and…"

"Wait a minute, am I being Punk'D? Oh my god! Ashton, you really got me! Ha Ha! Ashton! Ashton?"

"Raise your hand if your brother's a homo!"

"You’ll always be fat to me, Chris!"

"I mean, listen, I know it might sound a little corny, maybe even a little femme, but I find something so resplendent …"

"Mr. Palamino: How did you lose all that weight? Like that retard from Subway?"

"Clark: [about Chris and Jamie] Are you guys on the same menstrual cycle yet, or what?"

"Some friends are just friends. Others you get to see naked."

"Moments like this have been ruining friendships for centuries."

"[singing and playing guitar] Forgiveness, is more than saying sorry. To forgive is divine. So let's have a glass of w…"