Screenplays By Adam Sandler

"Adam Sandler - Jack Sadelstein/Jill Sadelstein"

"Geoff Pierson - Carter Simmons"

"Gad Elmaleh - Xavier"

"Al Pacino - himself"

"Nick Swardson - Todd"

"Kristin Davis - Delilah"

"Eugenio Derbez - Felipe / Felipe's grandmother"

"Valerie Mahaffey - Bitsy Simmons"

"Rohan Chand - Gary Sadelstein"

"Tim Meadows - Ted"

"[to Jill] Don't forget your sweat shadow."

"[apologizing to Jill] I'm sorry that you make everyone uncomfortable. I really am."

"Elodie Tougne - Sofie Sadelstein"

"Gary Valentine - Dallas"

"[to Jack] Why are you so afraid to admit that we are connected? Face it. We shared Mom's womb. We were womb-mates."

"Katie Holmes - Erin Sadelstein"

"Allen Covert - Otto"

"[talking to Rob about the broken car] My old man lent me this turd."

"I want mommy's milk."

"[seeing Jasmine being sprayed with air by the car's bonnet] Hoochie Mama."

"Mommy, can I have some of her milk?"

"That's what I've been trying to say all along."

"[talking about Jasmaine Hilliard and Rob] How do you get that... from that?"

"[(seeing Bridget, Rob's resemblance daughter] Now, that makes sense."

"You broke my heart!"

"Mommy, I want some milk."

"You're wasting it!"

"I want mommy's milk!"

"I'm just like daddy."

"Piece of crap car."

"I thought we were going to get wasted."

"Boys will be boys... some longer than others."

"And this must be your mother."

"I'm horny too!"

"I'm sorry!"

"Hey, Y. Where's MCA?"

"If I don't make it to the funeral, tell the police it was Arlene from Applebee's."

"Roxanne, I have made out with about 25 girls in this very spot and I want you to be number 26."

"Hey. What's up, Lenny? Buddy, I thought you were going to start working out."

"[to Deanne's mother] What, are you going in the electric chair?"

"Um... you're fat."

"Oh, grody."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Not hell... Mexico."

"Is that making me horny? Yes!"

"Why didn't you tell us she gets it?"

"Ahh bad turtle!"

"As long as I am the last."

"I see that ass is still growing. Got a little Kardhashian in there."

"Hey, guys! Motion 78!"

"Your son is so cute. How old is he?"