"My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head."

"Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be."

"My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married, and I didn't want him to."

"Whenever I date a guy, I think, "Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?""

"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives."

"Nobody is really happy with what's on their head. People with straight hair want curly, people with curly want straight, and bald people want everyone to be blind."

"Well, the old theory was "marry an older man because they're more mature". But the new theory is "men don't mature — marry a young one"."

"I love being married, I do. It's so great to find that one special person that you want to annoy for the rest of your life."

"I had teeth that stuck out so far, I used to eat other kids' candy bars by accident."

"Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men — how about "New Car Interior"?"

"We did long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we decided to buy a dog. Cheaper, and… get more feet."