Webcomics

"Hazel: I've never despised an ellipsis so much in my life."

"Hazel: Honey, he's hot, charming, funny, and well-dressed...inevitably, that adds up to "loves the cock.""

"Hazel: I don't think inflatable sheep are considered "stuffed animals.""

"Jameson: My and all this time I thought you couldn't smell jealousy."

"Jamie: Well, how do you know they don't use the Dewey Decimal System in porn stores?"

"Robin: I totally just had one of those awesome eighties movie montages!"

"Jamie: You know, I'd say you're cute when you're jealous, but you're really not that cute."

"Hazel: Why are all my best compliments in the form of insults?"

"Ethan: Power Rangers is just one of those eternal things, like death, taxes, or The Simpsons."

"Robin: I picked the wrong day to start drinking dish detergent."

"Hazel: Believe it or not, this is ENTIRELY about me."

"Hazel: Okay...Denial, Anger, Bargaining...I think I'll skip straight to Depression."

"Candy: How dare you analyze me so correctly!"

"Jamie: What IS wrong with Jim?"

"Jim: It wasn't a vacation. It was a leave of embarrassment."

"Jamie: I think about kids all the time! I hear they're delicious sauteed in butter."

"Leslie: I think I prefer my evil to be unapologetic."

"Hazel: That wasn't me, that was my ovaries."

"David: If you're suggesting I have bitchtits, I'm mildly offended. Unless you like bitchtits."

"Jameson: Sorry, I'm afraid you need less Asshole Points to access that information."

"Ethan: Every half hour I have to go back to my store and make sure Faz is wearing pants."

"Candy: Whoa, is that kangaroo hide?"

"Ethan: Enjoying our job is clearly forbidden in our handbook."

"Ethan: Give me a moment so that I may appear conflicted."

"Hazel: I think I just lost my status as "meanest character.""

"Mike: They're all dressed the same and praying. I think they're a cult. Can I set them on fire?"

"Robin: Dora the Explorer tastes like brain damage."

"Amber: Do you have any idea how much paperwork there is if you kill Mike on the clock?! And I'm gonna have to fill it all out!"

"Conquest: Why does my father believe I harbor some manner of pillow fetish?"

"Ninja Rick: Do they not realize that to be truly ninja you must speak "-chan" after every other noun??"

"Ultra Car: What an insane world I live in, said the talking automobile."

"Ultra Car: It's repeatable, sloppy, it denigrates the other party, and it feels great. I wonder if this is what sex is like."

"Faz: You are no doubt ansconding to your girlfriends to gossip about the exotic allure of my uncircumscized penis. Success?"

"Ethan: This is a coffee house. We pay extra to be hated."

"Galasso: Will no one flood my daughter with sperm?"

"Ethan: You're the reason why we have correctional facilities."

"Ethan: You know you've been on the computer too much when you wonder which cheap Photoshop filter was used to make the pretty clouds in the sky."

"Mike: There's a mugged leprechaun at the end of every rainbow."

"Robin: Can there be spankings?"

"Ethan: And I can't believe everyone's fancy makeovers happened while the gay guy was gone."

"Chris: I thought dead hooker jokes were just JOKES!!"

"Aaron: If you pinch me, I shall not bleed. But I may cry just a little. Because, you know, owies."

"Heather: When did the zoo turn into an episode of Days of Our Lives?"

"Justin: My stomach says "Hell no" but my taste buds say "cheese of unknown origin? How could that ever be wrong?""

"Angela: Oh. Oh god sweet, sweet rage. I missed you too."

"Heather: Says Petey the Panda Pimp."

"Justin: You still there, or did I murder you with the clue-by-four?"

"Angela: I always picture the little hamsters after hours, rakin' their claws along the cage bars and playing sad songs on the harmonica."

"Angela: Presumptuous AND borderline psychotic. How COULD I turn you down?"

"Ethan: Doesn't anybody care about what Megatron wants?"