Webcomics

"Faye: You almost had a date! But you got dumped at the last minute in favor of an epiphany."

"Faye: I'm just gonna pretend that a roll of quarters in your pocket is what I feel poking into my hip."

"Faye: You're lucky she's not here in person. You'd have been maced for walking so close to me."

"Marten: Wow, is your mom always that concerned for your personal safety?"

"Faye [on the phone]: Hello? Oh, hey mom. Nothing much, just going out to dinner with a friend. Yes, a boy. No, it's not a date. No, I didn't bring the tazer. Mom, he's not a serial rapist, he's a nice guy. Okay I have to go. Bye mom."

"Faye: I think you would fulfill a fantasy shared by every shy, submissive boy on the planet. Hump away!"

"Sara: What do you think would happen if I just grabbed him and humped him behind the counter next time he comes in?"

"Pintsize: Hook me up to the monitor. I'll download you some nice, cheerful porn."

"Faye: I thought our entire social circle was going to implode all 'cause I didn't put on some goddamn PANTS."

"Pintsize: LESS TALKING, MORE HOT MAKE-UP SEX"

"Marten: What is with everyone tonight? Is it some kinda fuckin' angst solstice?"

"Sven: Actually, you should probably keep them away from me. See ya."

"[beat panel]"

"Sven: Oh hey, if you know any cute single girls..."

"Faye: I don't know what's going on in that crazy purple head of yours, but you better get it in check before you fuck EVERYTHING up. If you haven't already."

"Angus: May we be able to look back on our lives when we're old and say "meh, good enough, I guess.""

"Faye [clinking glasses with Angus]: Well, here's to compromise, then."

"Angus: Oh what, I have to be an EMPLOYEE to haze the rookie?"

"Faye: This one's a special case. I recommend the 9-iron."

"Cosette: The contempt-face isn't working. What do I do?"

"Dora: I'd fire you both, but I'm afraid you'd team up and start robbing convenience stores or something."

"Penelope: Could you show me how to do that judo-hold you put me in? It REALLY hurt!"

"Faye: That throw was AMAZING! You hit me square in the head from like 20 feet away! We should get you some TOMAHAWKS!"

"Faye: Would that cancel out? Or is it like multiplying two negative numbers?"

"Dora: I don't believe in curses, but you're also not going to see me walking under a ladder while holding a black cat."

"Hannelore: Oh my gosh, first I get a REAL JOB, then I HUG SOMEONE IN A SOCIALLY APPROPRIATE MANNER? I'm making so much progress today! Maybe I'm finally ready to try TACO BELL!"

"Cosette: CAN WE NOT DISCUSS THIS IN PUBLIC"

"Steve: The same qualities apply! She's goal-oriented, good at staying on-task, takes direction well but readily displays her own initiative..."

"Dora: I need to know if she's a reliable employee, not how good she is in bed."

"Dora: No, that's Stock OPTIONS Syndrome. Totally different motivation mechanism."

"Faye: Stockholm Syndrome makes for extremely loyal, productive employees. That's how Apple does it!"

"Hannelore: My favorite part was when you took on those four guys at once! And then that giant dog!"

"Tai: I promise not to seduce your girlfriend if I get a cookie!"

"Dora: You have the most AMAZING RACK in that dress. It is seriously incredible."

"Hannelore: Baking is wonderful! It's like science for hungry people!"

"Marten: I realize there's a certain lowering of boundaries that comes with us all living together, but this is ridiculous."

"Dora: BUT I WANT IT NOWWWWWWWWW"

"Faye: CHRIST, woman, we're tryin' to have a moment of friendship here! You can have his cock in a minute!"

"Dora: Come ON, Marten, get in here and stick your cock in me already!"

"Hannelore: I take medication to prevent those moments. Would you like some?"

"Marten: There needs to be a word for those brief moments of clarity where you realize how profoundly weird your life is."

"Faye: Tsk, it's always the uptight ones that end up total pokesluts."

"Sven: Meh. Could you grab me a fresh napkin? This one's got phone number all over it."

"Wil: I do believe that young lady was attempting to hit on you."

"Dora: I swear, you two aren't underachievers so much as ANTIachievers."

"Pintsize: I'll suck your dick for a chimichanga!"

"Dora: If your pay was based on good PR your great-grandchildren would still be working off the debt."

"Faye: What's the point of havin' a rapier wit if I can't use it to stab people?"

"Dora: I'm glad I'm not the only one with a contingency plan for that."

"Faye: Geez, glass houses, lady! Glass houses!"