"KGB Cosmonaut: Stupid Americans! Getting bogged down in a no-win situation in Vietnam! Russians will never be stupid enough to do that! I wonder how Afghanistan is this time of year?"

"Yakuza: Mama say! Mama san! Ma Yakuza! (reference to Soul Makossa)"

"Black Ninja: [When PKed] Who will save Ninja?!"

"Albion Urban: I've had sex twice. Once in Eton with my roommate, and once with my wife on our honeymoon. Frankly, I don't see what all the fuss is about."

"Bay City Army: I just joined the army to get money to go to college. No one said anything about killing people!"

"Bay City Cop: Ah, the people I protect and serve... how I hate them so."

"KGB Cosmonaut: I am being scientist and I'm okay. I'm working all night and sleeping all day. (parody of Monty Python's Lumberjack Song)"

"The Freak: I am a fish... I am a fish... I AM A FISH!"

"Russian Male Peasant: Am still finding difficult to be sitting... next time, must be putting pants on before lighting petrol."

"Russian Male Peasant: Why one never is seeing any children around? Is not as if workers can be affording contraception!"

"Russian Male Peasant: Mind says Lenin, but body says Stalin. And shockingly, at heart I am being straight capitalist. Go figuring."

"Russian Male Peasant: If Leninism, Trotskyism and Stalinism are all agreeing with Marxism... is this making them Marx Brothers?"

"Russian Female Scientist: Lately have been feeling as though am just following script... as if am reading lines written for me by someone... eerie."

"Russian Female Scientist: Someday, my prince will come... damn the Soviet mail system!"

"Russian Female Scientist: Einstein, Bohr, Asimov - male scientists get all glory! All women are getting is dead radiologist!"

"Russian Female Scientist: Against all probability, probability machine is functioning perfectly! Cat in box, on other hand, may be dead. Or not. Hard to say."

"Russian Female Scientist: Is safe to be scientist - we are least expendable, no? Government would never harm great minds of society!"

"Russian Female Peasant: How come there are only two types of bras in Russia? Slovenly or femme fatale?"

"Russian Male Peasant: Supposedly, scientists are performing numerous nuclear experiments in town. I suppose it would explain why I am peeing green."

"Yamanosuke Hirotaro:: Maybe I go to Hollywood, make martial arts movie about me and put black basketball star in it as bad guy. Nah! It would never work."

"Agent Soychorski: Curse you, Furon! I am atheist, but on the off-chance hell exists, I will haunt you from beyond!"

"African-American Hippie: My favorite Jackson? Gotta be Michael. He's just so normal!"

"The Freak: I wonder if there really is life on other planets. I wonder if aliens really do walk among us. I wonder if an alien is reading my mind RIGHT NOW!"

"Russian Mafia Thug: Why is Russian mafia needing to kill innocent people? Our government is doing a good enough job with that already."

"Albion Square: An American! AIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Albion Hippie: Little Green Americans! Little Green Americans!"

"Albion Hippie Girl: I'm gonna be the first hooker elected Prime Minister! Unless Thatcher gets there first..."

"Albion Square: [while dancing] Can you direct me to the Ministry of Silly Walks, please?"

"Albion Policeman: Move! Or I'll say... "move" again!"

"Albion Policeman: Stop! Or I'll say... "stop" again."

"Tunguska Soldier: Beating on proletariat is good job, but hours are murder. HA HA! HA HA!"

"KGB Cosmonaut: From here, Earth is looking like... blue cheese!"

"KGB Cosmonaut: Compared to Soviet Union, moon is looking like colorful paradise!"

"KGB Cosmonaut: Despite fact there is being no air, I am hearing something."

"Shama Llama: Hail Arkvoodle! Lord of the sacred crotch!"

"The Freak: I don't know his real name, but he calls himself, COYOTE BONGWATER! ... Which is pretty righteous."