"[to Brian] I'll be quiet. Just let me stay here. No problem. Go get Carol. Get her here. I'm not a - a prick. You are. I'm not judging. I'm a great customer. This day has been a disaster. I'm not sure if I can handle this, too."

"[to Simon Bishop] Nelly, you're a disgrace to depression."

"[to Simon Bishop] Quit worrying. You'll be back on your knees in no time."

"[about Carol Connelly's promise to never sleep with him] "Never," she says. "Never," she says."

"[introducing Carol Connelly and Simon Bishop to each other] Carol, the waitress, Simon, the fag."

"[to the bartender] The next thing I know, she's sitting right there next to me. Well, it's not right to go into details. I got nervous. I screwed up. I said the wrong thing. Where if I hadn't, I... I could be in bed right now with a woman who, if you make her laugh, you got a life. Instead, I'm here with you. No offense, but a moron pushing the last legal drug."

"[to Melvin Udall] If you ever mention my son again, you will never be able to eat here again. Do you understand? Give me some sign you understand, or leave now. [raising her voice] Do you understand me, you crazy fuck?"

"[to Melvin Udall] I want your life for one minute where my biggest problem is someone offering me a free convertible so I can get outta this city."

"[to Melvin Udall] You look so s- . . . [She stops herself from saying "sexy" and regathers.] You look, uh, great. You look great."

"[to Melvin Udall] When you first came into breakfast, when I first saw you, I thought you were handsome. Then, of course, you spoke."

"[to Melvin Udall] You don't love anything, Mr. Udall."

"[to Vincent Lopiano] Okay. Wh - What I do is I watch. You ever watch somebody who doesn't know that you're watching them? An old woman sitting on a bus or kids going to school or somebody just waiting, and you see this flash come over them, and you know immediately that it has nothing to do with anything external because that hasn't changed. And when you see it, they're just sort of realer, and they're more alive. I mean, you look at someone long enough, you discover their humanity."

"[to Verdell] Do you miss the tough guy? [imitating Melvin] Well here I am, sweetheart! Happy to see me, ya little piss-ant mop!? How 'bout another ride down the chute?!"

"[to Melvin Udall] Rot in hell, Melvin."

"[to Melvin Udall] Is this fun for you? Hm? You lucky devil. It just keeps getting better and better, don't it? I'm losing my apartment, Melvin. And... and Frank, he wants me to beg my parents, who haven't called me for help. And I won't. And... I... I don't want to paint anymore. So, the life that I was trying for is over. The life that I had is gone, and I'm feeling so damn sorry for myself that it's difficult to breathe. It's high times for you, isn't it, Melvin?! The gay neighbor's terrified! TERRIFIED!"

"[to Melvin Udall] Lucky for you, you're here for rock bottom. You absolute horror of a human being."

"[to Carol Connelly] But you're beautiful, Carol. Your skin, your long neck, the back, the line of you. You're why caveman chiseled on walls."

"[to Melvin Udall] You wanna say no to me? You wanna say no to me? 'Cause I've never felt this crazy as I do right now. I almost want you to say no."

"I'm in a freefall here!"

"BRACE YOURSELF FOR MELVIN"

"A comedy from the heart that goes for the throat."