"[addressing the monsters] I've been your warden for close to fifty years, but that's no longer the case. For what it's worth- [salutes the monsters, a sign of respect]"

"[after parachuting to the ground, his copilot is still clinging to him out of fear] You can let go of me now, Lieutenant."

"I'll come get if I can. If I don't, it means I'm dead...or late."

"First stop, Modesto! Ginormica, I called your family to tell them you were coming home. I also called the Modesto PD, told 'em not to shoot at ya!"

"[seeing Gallaxhar's robot] Oo-ee! Now that's a robot! Try not to damage it too much, monsters. I might take it back to the farm!"

"[after a cabinet member protests against his plan] You got a better idea, Nerd? [gives him a wedgie]"

"I'm not gonna kid you, Mr. President. These are dark times. The odds are against us. We need a Hail Mary pass! We need raw power! We need... [close up on his mouth] monsters."

"Don't think of this as a prison. Think of it as a hotel that you can never leave, because it's locked from the outside!"

"[To Susan, when she asks if her parents even know where she is] No, and they never will! This place is an X-File, wrapped in a cover-up and deep-fried in paranoid conspiracy! There will be zero contact with the outside world."

"[to Susan, at the end of the movie] Wait, wait, wait, wa-wa-wait! You were dating Derek, too?! That two-timing jerk!"

"[confronting Derek, as if he were dating him rather than Susan] Derek, you are a selfish jerk, and guess what? I've met someone else! She's lime-green, she has 14 little chunks of pineapple inside her, and she is everything I deserve in life! I'm happy now, Derek! Without you! It's over! [Holds up the lime green jello he mentions and leaves triumphantly]"

"[goes between Dr. Cockroach and a Gallaxhar clone] You wanna hurt my friends, you'll have to go through me! [the Gallaxhar clone punches him in the eye, knocking out both Dr. Cockroach and the clone in the process] Oh yeah."

"[as the monsters' rather pathetic disguises actually fool Gallaxhar's clones] These disguises are da bomb!"

"What are they running away from?"

"I may not have a brain, gentlemen, but I have an idea."

"[to Susan] I don't think your parents like me. And I think that Jello gave me a fake phone number."

"[to a plate of Jello] Hi, I'm Benzoate Ostylezene Bicarbonate, or you can call me B.O.B, which ever's easier. [the Jello wobbles slightly] Did I come on too strong? I'm sorry, I'm a little rusty, I've been in prison my whole life— Why did I mention prison? [slams his fist on the table, making the Jello shake] Uh, I didn't mean to scare you! I'm just gonna go... Oh, I feel so stupid!"

"What happened to the "there isn't a jar in the world I can't open" stuff? Wait! Did you find a jar that you couldn't open?! What was in it? Were there pickles in it? Where's the giant jar of pickles?"

"[to Gallaxhar's robot probe; making signs to match his words, similar to Gromit from The Curse of the Were-Rabbit] Hello! Hi! Howya doin'? Welcome! We are here to destroy you!"

"[on brains and his lack of one] Turns out, you don't need one! Totally overrated!"

"Uh, who are we kidding? We could save every city on the planet, and they'd still treat us like they've always treated us... like monsters."

"[emerges from a swimming pool, walking in a zombie-like manner and scaring people, screaming in pain] OOOOOOOOW!!!! CHLORINE!!!! CHLORINE!!! CHLORINE IN MY EYES!!!"

"Who wants to go for a swim with the Link?"

"[at Susan's party, Link turns on some music and tries to mingle] How's it going? Que pasa, Girlfriend? Way to cut up a rug, Insecto! [Insectosaurus is slowly bouncing around]"

"Papa's a little outta shape."

"Does anybody have a 20 on Insectosaurus?"

"[swims through the sewers, as he gets out he bangs his head on the lid] OW!! [he slowly removes the lid and climbs out] Yep, that hurt... [is suddenly hit by Dr. Cockroach's rocket-powered trolley car]"

"Re-lax. Old Link's got this all under control."

"Finally some action! I'm gonna turn this over-sized tin can into a... really dented over-sized tin can..."

"[walking outside for the first time in decades] It's a little hotter than I remember. Has the Earth gotten warmer? That'd be great to know, it would be a very convenient truth."

"[lifting weights] Seven, eight... [notices Susan] Uh, 999, 1,000. Phew! I can not believe I did ten sets!"

"Wow, look at you. I know what you're thinking: first day in prison, you want to take on the toughest guy in the yard? Well, I'd like to see you try."

"By Hawking's chair!"

"[dancing off against Gallaxhar's computer] One thing you don't know about me, my dear! My Ph.D is in... dance!"

"[to after they rescue her] My dear, no matter what your size you'll always be... [notices the Gallaxhar clones coming and pulls Susan down, shaking her] ...Nothing but a filthy carbon based lifeform!"

"[after the ruined party] At least the garbage was free."

"Anyone care for an atomic gin fizz? It's got quite a... [the gin explodes] ...kick."

"We all think that the new Susan is the cat's "me-wow"! [chuckles for a brief moment; no reaction from anyone else] I'm sorry."

"You can't crush a cockroach! [laughs maniacally]"

"I am not a quack, I am a mad scientist!!!! There's a difference."

"They called me crazy! But I'll show them! I'll show them all! [does a classic "mad scientist" laugh]"

"[to Susan] Whatever mad scientist made you... he really went all-out."

"I wouldn’t be so sure, and the name is Ginormica."

"Fresno!! Fresno.... In what universe is Fresno better than Paris, Derek?!"

"Doctor, I'd prefer that you didn't do your mad scientist laugh while I'm hooked up to this machine."

"[to her mother, after B.O.B. hugs her and nearly suffocates her in his gelatinous body] Sorry, Mom. He's a hugger."

"Three weeks ago, if you had asked me to fight an alien robot, I would have said "No can do!" But I did it! Me! I'm still buzzing! Did you see how strong I was? There's probably not a jar in this world I can't open!"

"[seeing Gallaxhar's gigantic robot probe] I can't fight that thing! I can't even...I never... [gasping] I'm hyperventilating! Does anybody have a giant paper bag?!"