Prison Films

"Everett McGill - Eddie Caldwell"

"The most wanted man in Wakefield prison is the warden!"

"Murray Hamilton - John Deach"

"A. J. Balance as John - 18 years"

"Tim Heidecker as wine tester"

"Michael Shannon as Lynard"

"Dylan Baker as Warden"

"David Darlow as Judge Biederman"

"Will Arnett as Nelson"

"Chi McBride as Barry"

"Bob Odenkirk as Duane"

"David Koechner as Shanahan"

"Dax Shepard as John"

"[to Mr. Sir after scratching him with her nails that had nail polish made with rattlesnake venom] I liked you better when you smoked."

"I'm not stupid. I know everyone thinks I am. I just don't like answering stupid questions."

"It's all because of your no-good-dirty-rotten-pig-stealing-great-great-grandfather!"

"[To Stanley Yelnats IV] You're no fan of mine"

"[Repeated line] Excuse me?"

"Sigourney Weaver as The Warden"

"[When Armpit tries to pass off a stove knob as something he found] Are you trying to be funny, or do you just think I'm stupid?"

"Jon Voight as Mr. Sir"

"[To Elya Yelnats] You must carry Madame Zeroni up the mountain and sing while I drink so I can get strong, too. [Laughing] But if you forget to come back for Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity."

"Patricia Arquette as Kissin' Kate Barlow"

"Byron Cotton as Armpit"

"Miguel Castro as Magnet"

"Jake M. Smith as Squid"

"Khleo Thomas as Hector Zeroni"

"Max Kasch as Zigzag"

"Brenden Jefferson as X-Ray"

"Roma Maffia as Carla Morengo"

"Eartha Kitt as Madame Zeroni"

"Siobhan Fallon Hogan as Stanley’s Mother"

"Noah Poletiek as Twitch"

"Henry Winkler as Stanley’s Father, Stanley Yelnats III who was stuck with the Cable Guy."

"Nathan Davis as Stanley Yelnats II who is about to get executed for his sex crimes."

"Shia LaBeouf as Stanley Yelnats IV who has all sorts of criminal records."

"Rick Fox as Clyde "Sweet Feet" Livingston"

"Tim Blake Nelson as Dr. Pendanski"

"Dulé Hill as Sam"

"Scott Plank as Trout Walker"

"George A. Jones - Big George"

"Robert Tessier - Connie Shokner"

"Ray Nitschke - Bogdanski"

"First Down...And Ten Years To Go."

"It's Survival of the Fiercest and Funniest"

"Bernadette Peters - Warden's Secretary"

"Alright men, now here's the play we're gonna use. I don't think the guards know this formation. It's called 'incidental punishment after the ball is blown dead.' Remember, any man you tackle gets an elbow, knee, or kick in the mouth."

"Joe Kapp - Walking Boss"

"The most important thing to remember is: to protect your quarterback - ME!"

"You know what my problem has been all my life? I've always had my shit together. Always. My problem's been I couldn't lift it."