People From Illinois

"Oncoming traffic appears closer in the rearview mirror."

"It’s always tomorrow on the other side of the world."

"Money is the root of all motivation."

"I believe my own imagination."

"Every river is looking for an ocean."

"Nobody understands a prostitute better than a politician."

"The human heart beats itself to death."

"Absinthe makes the mind go wander."

"I could kill two birds if I wasn't so stoned."

"My reflections always get it backwards."

"No evil comes from the fear of hell, no good comes from the promise of heaven."

"I have an undeveloped photographic memory."

"Nothing’s a mistake until you make it."

"I only speak to drown out my thoughts."

"Life is fair. Everyone gets more than they deserve."

"No one should possess more than they can hold in their heart."

"I would talk to myself but I’m not a good listener."

"Evolution is the myth that keeps on morphing."

"If questioning something endangers its existence, extinction is probably in its future."

"In heaven you get the hang-over before the intoxication."

"Anything worth doing can be done by someone else."

"Sometimes you have to do something dangerous to get death's attention."

"Increasing your odds gets you closer to your goal."

"Fall is the season the leaves do dread, because gravity loves the color red."

"The few think for the many."

"A ripe apple never toppled the tree."

"There is much to accomplish before I become fertilizer for the foliage."

"The trivial travels faster than the profound."

"An army of one answers to none."

"If someone’s face lacks a smile, offer them yours."

"I’m in love with your pretense like you’re in love with mine."

"Live life like you're writing your own obituary."

"Nothing is normal until you get used to it."

"Animals are never naked."

"It’s better to get the last laugh than the joke."

"Patience is wasted on the lazy."

"Being misunderstood is the measure of an artist, being understood is the measure of a man."

"It’s not the journey that weighs you down; it’s the baggage."

"I was reincarnated as my former self."

"Last place gets to stay in the race longer."

"When all else fails, start a band."

"I’m complicated, not confused."

"I can no more imagine my demise than remember my birth."

"Some days you can’t see the forest for the fire."

"If it’s good enough for the cosmos, it’s good enough for humankind."

"Death would be better if it weren’t forever."

"The irreplaceable get stuck where they are."

"We are the new they."

"Most aliens are expressionists."

"The rumors of my death are only a pending reality."