Paul Weitz Films

"Really? To you waving your hands over him? He's not a Ouija board, Kevin."

"I speak from the heart, off the cuff, like my man, J.C. at the Sermon on the Mount. You said that's what you've always admired about me."

"[losing it] The wheel! The little hamster wheel that we're all running up to get a little taste of your little water thingy!"

"Just please, approval! Approval! Please! Give me some of the Jack... yeah..."

"Why is he cursing at us?"

"Look, even our dear friend, the Buddha had to pass through samsara on his way to enlightenment."

"Not in *any* sense of word."

"I'm getting off the wheel."

"[imitates a hamster]"

"Yeah, well I have eyes too. So I'll be watching you... watching me."

"Really? He said that to you?"

"[to Kevin] Why don't you get on your stupid monster yacht with your bubble-butt Russian girlfriend and do Jell-O shots off of Deepak Chopra's butt?"

"Um, like Mommy got mad at Daddy because he was going to the hotel with Andi."

"Look, it's natural to get a little tempted."

"Greg, he saw his father inject a needle into his grandfather's penis. He already had issues. That's something he might never recover from."

"He's not a doctor."

"Mmm. Well, I think Harvard's cheaper."

"You're not going to erase my son's memory."

"What wheel?"

"To Pam? Are you kidding? Yes. Jack, there's never been a problem with that."

"Yeah. The pulse on your carotid antery remained steady as you pleaded your innocence."

"[to his cat after seeing the remixed video of Greg's rant] That's the Godfocker? [cat hisses]"

"Nobody's tempted, nobody..."

"What are you talking about? You were his golden boy."

"Well, I got good news for you. You're not Jesus."

"[sarcastically] Our dear friend the Buddha? How's he doing? It's been so long. Do you ever listen to yourself?"

"We're just trying to help you, sir..."

"I guess they fight sometimes."

"I can't say because I'm not supposed to be spying."

"Andi gives Daddy his boners."

"What about Mommy and Daddy, is everything okay with them?"

"If I go down, Greg, I need to know someone will be responsible for the whole Byrnes clan. So I ask you, Greg, are you prepared to be... the Godfocker?"

"Yes. Even after that. It's still... It's all good. It's all good under the hood."

"Circle of Trust."

"Focker, there is no way I'm going to an ER room with this thing. Now you need to stick me and you need to stick me now! I'm having a dick attack! Stick me!"

"Dr. Bob. Scumbag."

"I'm not gay myself. But if I were gay, I would certainly be proud to choose a life partner like Gay Focker. And that's his actual name."

"Don't do that."

"I'm watching you."

"That's disgusting."

"Sam might be three quarters Byrnes, whereas Henry could very well have a double dose of Focker in him. Double dose."

"I know you were telling the truth about Andi, Greg."

"[as Jack is being loaded into an ambulance, to Greg] Focker!"

"[sternly] Even after her body's endured the hellish ordeal of birthing twins?"

"Are you still physically attracted to my daughter, Greg?"

"We've had this date since the beginning, Greg."

"Who's Andi?"

"Mmm-hmm. And what do they fight about?"

"Like I always tell you, there's nothing wrong with spying as long as you suspect foul play. So, who's Andi?"

"Not in the Western sense of word."