Novelists From England

"At the mention of the name and offence of this degraded being a great sound went up from the entire multitude – a universal cry of execration, not greatly dissimilar from that which may be frequently heard in the crowded Temple of Impartiality when the one whose duty it is to take up, at a venture, the folded papers, announces that the sublime Emperor, or some mandarin of exalted rank, has been so fortunate as to hold the winning number in the Annual State Lottery."

"Alas! It is well written, "The road to eminence lies through the cheap and exceedingly uninviting eating-houses.""

"At this display the elder and less attractive of the maidens fled, uttering loud and continuous cries of apprehension in order to conceal the direction of her flight."

"Should a person on returning from the city discover his house to be in flames, let him examine well the change which he has received from the chair-carrier before it is too late; for evil never travels alone."

"When Ling was communicating to any person the signs by which messengers might find him, he was compelled to add, "the neighbourhood in which this contemptible person resides is that officially known as 'the mean quarter favoured by the lower class of those who murder by treachery'," and for this reason he was not always treated with the regard to which his attainments entitled him, or which he would have unquestionably received had he been able to describe himself as of "the partly-drained and uninfected area reserved to Mandarins and their friends.""

"Before hastening to secure a possible reward of five taels by dragging an unobservant person away from a falling building, examine well his features lest you find, when too late, that it is one to whom you are indebted for double that amount."

"It is well said: 'He who lacks a single tael sees many bargains,'" replied Sun Wei, a refined bitterness weighing the import of his words. "Truly this person's friends in the Upper Air are a never-failing lantern behind his back."

"In his countenance this person read an expression of no-encouragement towards his venture."

"It is a mark of insincerity of purpose to spend one's time in looking for the sacred Emperor in the low-class tea-shops."

"When struck by a thunderbolt it is unnecessary to consult the Book of Dates as to the precise meaning of the omen."

"Although there exist many thousand subjects for elegant conversation, there are persons who cannot meet a cripple without talking about feet."

"Do not adjust your sandals while passing through a melon-field, nor yet arrange your hat beneath an orange-tree."

"Britain's greatest cultural asset"

"a seething, dyslexic, better-looking British Bukowski"

"Your paintings are stuck, you are stuck! Stuck! Stuck! Stuck!"

"I like being on the margins. You work better there."

"I am angry with him but I have compassion for him. The reason I can have a relationship with him is that I don’t see him as my father but as an individual. I’m glad I didn’t murder him that day. I couldn’t have lived with myself if I had."

"I loved moustaches. I used to draw myself with one. When I was 14, I was really into war and Van Gogh."

"Before 1999, Tracey Emin and Sarah Lucas offered to get me exhibitions, but joining the Stuckists put a kaibosh on all that — because I wasn't prepared to be controlled. I agreed to co-found the Stuckists to be allowed to say what I wanted, and I left the Stuckists because I didn't really want to be in them in the first place."

"If you'd asked me seven or eight years ago I would have said I wasn't Frank Lampard's biggest fan. But his all-round game has improved massively. He's had to work at his game. I don't think he's been naturally the most gifted player in the world. From what I hear he's a good one to practise and he's improved to be one of the best midfielders in the world. Credit to him for that. He's more of an all-round package now than he was at West Ham when he was probably carrying too much weight, not that he was fat. His goals record is unbelievable, just like Steven Gerrard and Paul Scholes. We see a lot of players who come on the scene and just fade away. But he seems as hungry as ever and plays lots of games. He looks after his body. He's a fit lad and when you've got a midfielder who can put the ball in the back of the net it's bloody priceless. When you look at him and Gerrard, by God, Fabio Capello's a lucky man to have two such outstanding players. The hallmark of a top player is not to do it over two years but over eight or nine."

"Artists who don't paint aren't artists."

"When I was better known than her, she put my name in that tent. I was asked to do Celebrity Big Brother, but why should I? We live in an age where fame is not related to what you do."

"It has become an ongoing national joke."

"I would not be the player I am today without him, I would not have improved without my dad. In the early years, he would have me over the park training when everyone else was at home or playing with their mates, I was jumping on the floor, getting up and running again, sprinting - I will never forget that. I thank him for everything he has done in my football life and for being a dad."

"A lot of the reason I am here is because of my strength, my determination and character. I would just like to talk about a girl called Lucy.I went to her funeral today, she was 10 years old. She came to the game against Charlton where we lifted the Premiership trophy. She had a tumor on the brain - really she should have died the week before that game. But she was so desperate to come and see that game, to watch us play. The character and strength she showed made me put everything in perspective.I would like to dedicate this whole award to her, her family, especially her mother, and I would like to say thanks to everyone tonight."

"Lamps is Lamps. When he plays well he is best in the game, when he plays bad, he is the second or the third best."

"This award is voted for by journalists, who can be your biggest critic and get on your nerves sometimes, but they all know football and I am very respectful of their thoughts, and very proud they have decided to give me this award this year."

"What, like Harpic?"

"I do play with minor knocks at times. I'm not saying I'm a Braveheart compared to others, but I do just get on with it. And I do a lot of extra work, not so much gym work, I won't go in and pump iron, but I do like to do as much as I can on the training pitch. I'll practise my finishing, my passing, my dribbling and my sprints. Maybe that all contributes to that bit of luck I have staying fit. It's something my old man (his father, Frank Sr, formerly of West Ham and England) has instilled in me since I was a kid. Now, if I don't do that bit extra, I don't go into a game feeling I've prepared right."

"I was told I had to do a speech, to say a few thank yous and was lying in bed a couple of nights ago till about 2:30 in the morning thinking what I was going to say. I had it all planned out perfectly, fell asleep - and then was woken up at 4am when my cars were being driven off in the driveway!"

"What a player. What a man. What an absolute diamond of a footballer. The critics, the haters, they cannot touch Frank Lampard now. Not after last night. Not after that penalty. He won, they lost. He stood tall, they skulked in the background."

"Bowie and McCartney arrived, and the biscuits and caviare started and I left immediately. I don’t like shouting across rooms, with people in shiny suits who look like used-car salesmen."

"Lampard's better than Gerrard and Scholes. No questions asked."

"Ruins—antique ruins at least—are what is left when history has moved on. They are no longer at the mercy of history, only of time. (p. 207)."

"The more you covet something, the more certain it is that you’ll lose it, and the more devastating the loss will be when it happens—which it will. (p. 216)."

"I should have been happy—I was being paid to be here—but happiness does not respond to that kind of imperative; it is no good telling yourself you should be happy. (p. 225)."

"I felt I could no longer take the roller-coaster of emotions of travel, its surges of exaltation, its troughs of despondency, it’s large stretches of boredom and inconvenience (p. 202)."

"The best way to learn was by looking, to become articulate in the language of sight. The eye could learn to look after itself. (p. 180)."

"The idea is to generate paperwork. The word could hardly be more apt. Paper is work. Paper is the big employer. Someone fills out a form (in triplicate), someone files one copy, the other copy goes somewhere else to be filed by someone else, the third is retained by the customer for his records. The most insignificant transaction must be scrupulously recorded and logged, filed and stored, even, on occasion, retrieved. On a trip to Libya, p. 183."

"All we can do is keep applying the creosote, propping ourselves up with health and success, trying to keep the rain and the damp and the rot at bay for a little longer, trying to postpone the moment of complete collapse of abandonment for the same reason that one waits as long as possible for the alcoholic drink of the day: because the longer you leave it, the better it will feel. (p. 227)."

"I had to be on my own, just so that I would not feel as alone. (p. 201)."

"Virility of one kind or another is so important if you are to feel like a man. You have to be able to perform stunts. You have to be able to show off in front of your woman, do things she urges you not to do because they look dangerous. (p. 64)."

"They made two thousand years ago seem like yesterday, and yesterday look like today, just as today would, in time, look like tomorrow. (p. 128)."

"Dave was committed to making it a truly memorable weekend in the sense that he would remember nothing whatsoever about it. “It’s all about moderation,” he said, “Everything in moderation. Even moderation itself. From this it follows that you must from time to time, have excess. And this is going to be one of those occasions.” (p. 152)."

"I was constantly surprised by how much people didn’t know. That’s one of the things about traveling, one of the things you learn: many people in the world, even educated ones, don’t know much, and it doesn’t actually matter at all. (p. 15)."

"Once you turn forty...the whole world is water off a duck’s back. Once you turn forty you realize that life is there to be wasted. (p. 165)."

"This book is a ripped, by no mean reliable map of some of the landscapes that make up a particular phase of my life. It’s about places where things happened or didn’t happen, places where I stayed and things that have stayed with me, places I’d wanted to see or places I passed through or just ended up. In a way they’re all the same place—the same landscape—because the person these things happened to was the same person who in turn is the sum of all things that happened or didn’t happen in these and other places. Everything in this book really happened, but some of the things that happened only happened in my head; by that same token, all the things that didn’t happen didn’t happen there too. (p. 1)."

"When you are lonely, writing can keep you company. It is a form of self-compensation, a way of making up for things—as opposed to making things up—that did not quite happen. (p.11)."

"Who said "Peacock Pie"? The old king to the sparrow: Who said "Crops are ripe"? Rust to the harrow. Who said, "Ay, mum's the word"? Sexton to willow. Who said, "Green dusk for dream?" Moss for a pillow. Who said, "All Time’s delight Hath she for narrow bed; Life’s troubled bubble broken"?— That’s what I said."

"The delicate, invisible web you wove The inexplicable mystery of sound."