"[to John Williamson] What the hell are you? You're a fuckin' secretary. Fuck you. Yeah, that's my message to ya: fuck you and kiss my ass, and if you don't like it baby, I'm going across the street to Jerry Graff, period. Fuck you."

"Bo Hopkins - Mike Zetterland"

"Katherine Helmond - Honor Zetterland"

"Rupert Everett - Sasha"

"Tate Donovan - Brent Zetterland"

"Sofia Coppola - Cindy"

"Sandra Bernhard - Imogene"

"Patricia Arquette - Grace"

"Steve Antin - Monkey Zetterland"

"Tami Peterson has always been hyper-critical of my performance art. I mean she even delivered a speech in the quad about it called "Imogene: What do You Mean?" I mean, how could she do that to me? I've always been so nice to her!"

"Excuse me, very rude and obnoxious stranger."

"Una el coka dieta!"

"The thing is, Monkey, you'd change if you could, but you can't, and even if you could, you really shouldn't. And stop being such a fuckin' pussy about your curtains."

"Throw it all out into the universe, baby!"

"You're a fag, baby!"

"As a child I always felt responsible for my mom. Dad would be gone. She'd be alone for months, sometimes years, and eventually dad would come home. And I'd be okay. And everything would be all right. 'Cause mom would be saved."

"My father used to shirk his parental responsibilities by saying that life was an illusion; karma was also a convenient excuse for foul-ups. In my mind echos: "Sorry I sold your baseball cards, Monkey, but it's your karma, and life is just an illusion anyway, boy.""

"Lauren Zuckerman - Observation Psychiatrist"

"Melissa Sullivan - Observation Psychiatrist"

"Marc Lafia - Observation Psychiatrist"

"Blair Tefkin - Brent's Assistant"

"Lou Pearlman - Warden / Observation Psychiatrist"

"Chris Nash (actor) - Policeman"

"Nicholas Matus - Young Monkey"

"Lance Loud - Psychiatrist"

"Chuck Grieve - Guy at Taco Stand"

"Luca Bercovici - Boot Guy"

"Frances Bay - Grandma"

"Robin Antin - Waitress in Canters"

"Martha Plimpton - Sofie"

"Debi Mazar - Daphne"

"Ricki Lake - Bella the Stalker"

"Walter, I love you, but sooner or later, you're going to have to face the fact you're a goddamn moron."

"David Thewlis – Knox Harrington"

"Sam Elliott – The Stranger"

"Ben Gazzara – Jackie Treehorn"

"Jon Polito – Da Fino"

"Dom Irrera – Tony"

"John Turturro – Jesus Quintana"

"Aimee Mann – Nihilist #4 in pancake diner, Toe Donor"

"Torsten Voges – Nihilist #3, Franz"

"Flea – Nihilist #2, Kieffer"

"Peter Stormare – Nihilist #1, Uli Kunkel, AKA "Karl Hungus""

"Mark Pellegrino – Blond"