"[on webcam, about Todd] I might even lose my virginity to him. I don't know when it will happen. You know, maybe in five minutes, or tonight, or six months from now, or maybe on the night of our wedding. But the really amazing thing is, it is nobody's goddamn business."

"[to Olive] You've made your bed...I just hope for your sake, you've cleaned the sheets."

"Jesus tells us to love everyone, even the whores and the homosexuals. But it's so hard, it's so hard because they keep doing it, over and over again."

"[On webcam] And here you all are. Waiting for me outside the bedroom door for me to kiss Todd. Listening to me pretend to have sex with Brandon. Paying me to lie for you, and calling me every name in the book. And you know what? It was just like Hester in The Scarlet Letter. Except that's the one thing movies don't tell you: how shitty it feels to be an outcast. Warranted or not."

"[to Brandon as she removes her panties] Relax. Jesus. What is with you gays? Are you really that repulsed by lady parts? What do you think I have down there? A gnome?"

"That's the one thing that trumps religion...capitalism."

"Principal Gibbons: This is public school. If I can keep the girls off the pole and the boys off the pipe, I get a bonus."

"Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80's movies? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life."

"[voiceover] The rumors of my promiscuity have been greatly exaggerated. I used to be anonymous, invisible to the opposite sex. If Google Earth were a guy, he couldn't find me if I was dressed up as a 10-story building. Pretty cutting edge stuff, huh? A high school girl feeling anonymous. Who am I? What does it all mean? Why am I here? Blah! But don't worry. This isn't one of those tales, though it sure started out that way. And then it changed pretty quickly when I started lying about some very personal things. So, let the record show that I, Olive Penderghast, being of sound mind and below average breast-size, swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth... starting now."

"Mrs. Griffith: I'm the guidance counselor. I should know all the students, especially the ones that dress like prostitutes."

"[to Marianne] We've had nine classes together since Kindergarten...ten if you count Religion of Other Cultures, which you didn't because you called it science fiction and refused to go."

"Let's not and say we did."

"The rumor-filled totally FALSE account of HOW I RUINED my flawless reputation."

"Alyson Michalka - Rhiannon "Rhi" Abernathy"

"Fred Armisen - Pastor Bryant"

"Patricia Clarkson – Rosemary Penderghast"

"Stanley Tucci - Dill Penderghast"

"Cam Gigandet - Micah"

"Thomas Haden Church – Mr. Griffith"

"Penn Badgley - "Woodchuck" Todd"

"Amanda Bynes - Marianne Bryant"

"Lisa Kudrow – Mrs. Griffith"

"Dan Byrd - Brandon"

"A Comedy about a Good Girl, a Small Favor and a Big Rumor."

"Malcolm McDowell - Principal Gibbons"

"Emma Stone – Olive Penderghast"

"Evan Peters — Todd Haynes"

"Omari Hardwick — Sergeant Marcus Williams"

"Lyndsy Fonseca — Katie Deauxma"

"Christopher Mintz — Chris D'Amico/Red Mist"