"Barry Cryer: "It's cabaret time - with Dame Kiri Opodist, some Tunisian balancers...they're a sort of Affro dizzy act, & a canary that does impressions of a doctor...a chirpy-chirpy-GP-GP""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Mr & Mrs Zeensinthewaitingroom, & their ten-year-old, Maggie""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Mr & Mrs Roids, and their daughter, Emma, with their friend, farmer Giles""

"Graeme Garden: "Sir Osis-of-the-Liver, Sir Gerry Hours, & Prof. E. Lactic""

"Graeme Garden: "Mr & Mrs Umenema, & their son, Barry.""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Someone's just caught a streptomouse, in that trap you catch streptomice in. Give him mouse-to-mouse immediately.""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Don't leave the aspirins by the bird cage - the parrots eat 'em all!""

"Graeme Garden: "And his collie, Wobbles.""

"Willie Rushton: "Here come the Appliances, & their son, Sir Jekyll.""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "There's Dr. Watson nursing Holmes. What's the trouble Holmes? - Alimentary, my dear Watson.""

"Graeme Garden: "Here's Reggie Strar & Des Infectant.""

"Barry Cryer: "Oh, there's Sue Positry - she's going up in the world!""

"Graeme Garden: "And his pet hippo, Craticoath.""

"Willie Rushton: "From Scandinavia, it doesn't really matter where, Lars Toplast.""

"Barry Cryer: "From Wales, Di Agnosis, Win Deetum & Morgan Transplant.""

"Graeme Garden: "Mr & Mrs Sthetic, & their daughter, Anna Sthetic, & her aunty Septic.""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "From Ireland, Dermot Ologist, Mike Rosurgery, Eamonn Thesicklist & Sean Parts.""

"Graeme Garden: "Come and see the potting shed, it's where I prick out then harden off.""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "I suppose a fork's out of the question?""

"Phill Jupitus: "Could you help me find the clematis?""

"Barry Cryer: "Put your wellies on, you've pulled!""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Do you think it's better in a bed, or up against the wall?""

"Graeme Garden: "'Allo Vera!""

"Graeme Garden: "Hiya, Cynth!""

"Phill Jupitus: "Don't worry, it'll grow!""

"Graeme Garden: "It's called a siren suit, because everyone who sees it goes oooowwwwwwwwww!""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Is that a spike on your helmet, or are you just pleased to see me?""

"Graeme Garden: "I'm going in...""

"Stephen Fry: "Stop, or I'll shoot!""

"Graeme Garden: "They say we should all pull together.""

"Barry Cryer: "We could lie down on that..." "A sandbag?!""

"Stephen Fry: "You don't know what a dishonourable discharge is? Well, let me enlighten you.""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "I think we should both take off our gasmasks first... Oh, you already have!""

"Graeme Garden: "I've been trained how to handle bazookas.""

"Stephen Fry: "Those Fokkers have given me an idea...""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "It's alright - I said V.E.""

"Graeme Garden: "Put that light out!""

"Barry Cryer: "Hello, I'm from the disposal squad. Does my bomb look big in this?""

"Stephen Fry: "All POWs are welcome to share my tunnel.""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Right, get your habit, you've pulled!""

"Tony Hawks: "Good Friday? I'll make it even better!""

"Barry Cryer: "You stay here and I'll go and change - my vests are in the pantry, and my pants are in the vestry!""

"Tony Hawks: "When you've done pulling the bells...""

"Graeme Garden: "I've got a jacuzzi font!""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Please kneel... and while you're kneeling...""

"Graeme Garden: "You'll find that I move in mysterious ways.""

"Tony Hawks: "If anyone can, the canon can.""

"Graeme Garden: "How would you like to be one of the lay sisterhood?""

"Tony Hawks: "I can think of something I'd like you to alter, boy!""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "I say - now that's a habit I wouldn't mind getting into!""