"I don't want to be with anyone but you, so I will wait forever for you, okay? I will wait the rest of my life, because I love you, and I have for as long as I can remember, and I would rather die than be without you, Miriam Linky."

"Have you seen that Joe Francis guy who made Girls Gone Wild? That guy is the biggest fucking idiot piece of shit in the world and he has a jet and a fucking island."

"Porn has gone mainstream! It's like Coke or Pepsi with dicks in it. Look at Paris Hilton. She throatfucks a guy in night-vision, now she's selling fragrances to teens! And I'm pretty sure she's legally retarded!"

"We are gonna launch arcing ropes of jism all over this motherfucker! Peace!"

"[Repeated line] Let us fuck!"

"David Early - Auditioner"

"Kenny Hotz - Zack "Zack II" Knutson"

"Gerry Bednob - Mr. Surya"

"Jennifer Schwalbach - Betsy"

"Tom Savini - Jenkins"

"Tisha Campbell-Martin - Angelina"

"Tyler Labine - Drunk Willy"

"Brandon Routh - Robert "Bobby" Long"

"Justin Long - Brandon St. Randy"

"Ricky Mabe - Barry"

"Katie Morgan - Stacey"

"Jeff Anderson - Deacon Anderson"

"Traci Lords - Bubbles"

"Jason Mewes - Lester"

"Craig Robinson - Delaney"

"Elizabeth Banks - Miriam "Miri" Linky"

"Seth Rogen - Zack Brown"

"They Made A Movie So Naughty We Can Only Show Their Faces"

"A poster for everyone who finds our movie title hard to swallow."