"Today's top stories: The United States government brings charges against Fielding Mellish as a subversive impostor, New York garbage men are striking for a better class of garbage, and the National Rifle Association declares death a good thing."

"Dorothi Fox - J. Edgar Hoover"

"Woody Allen - Fielding Mellish"

"[to his therapist] I was, uh, I was always very shy when it came to girls. I - I remember when I was a little boy, I - I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in Braille, and I - I used to rub the dirty parts. And I, um, I guess I had a good relationship with my parents. I - I - I - they very rarely h- I think they hit me once, actually, in my whole childhood. They, uh, started beating me on the 23rd of December, 1942 and stopped beating me in the late spring of '44. Um, I don't know, I was a nervous child. I was a bed wetter. When I was younger, I, I, uh, used to sleep with an electric blanket, and I was constantly electrocuting myself."

"You cannot bash in the head of an American citizen without written permission from the State Department."

"Although the United States is, uh, a very rich country and San Marcos is a very poor one, there are a great many things we have to offer your country in return for aid. For instance, there, uh, there are locusts. Uh, we have more locusts than...uh, locusts of all races and creeds. These, these locusts, incidentally, are available at popular prices. And so, by the way, are most of the women of San Marcos...despite the tiny size of our nation, few people realize that we lead the world in hernias. They also fail to realize that before Columbus discovered your country, he stopped in San Marcos and contracted a disease which today can be cured with one shot of penicillin."

"We fell in love. I fell in love - she just stood there."

"Dan Frazer - Priest"

"Edith Evanson - Alma"

"Sara Haden - Matron"

"Reginald Owen - Clayton"

"Minor Watson - William J. Harding"

"Fay Bainter - Ellen Whitcomb"

"William Bendix - "Pinkie" Peters"

"The picture of the year!"

"Spencer Tracy - Sam Craig"

"Dan Tobin - Gerald Howe"

"Katharine Hepburn - Tess Harding"

"[on his and Tess's very short wedding ceremony] No one will ever believe we were married sober."

"Success is no fun unless you share it with someone."

"Women should be kept illiterate and clean, like canaries."

"Roscoe Karns - Phil Whittaker"

"Ludwig Stössel - Dr. Lubbeck"

"Patrick Bauchau - Stephen Altman"

"Dwight Yoakam - Raoul"

"Forest Whitaker - Burnham"

"Jared Leto - Junior"

"[Meg smashes the video cameras with a sledgehammer] Why the hell didn't we do that?"

"[to Meg over P.A. system after having hand caught in the panic room door] You fucking bitch! You pull any shit like that again, I will fucking kill her! Do you hear me? If you step outside, I'll kill her! If I see a uniform inside this house, I'll cut her fucking throat! Do you understand?"

"[After shooting Raoul dead. To Meg and Sarah] You're gonna be okay now. [Leaves]"

"It was supposed to be the safest room in the house."

"[After Officer Keeney asked what she meant when she said, "There were three..." on the phone] Look, my husband and I just split up and it's my first night in a new house and I admit I was a little drunk. And the sentence, if you insist on knowing, was going to be, "There are three things that I'll do for you if you come jump into bed with me." Thank God I came to my senses before I said all that, and I hung up so nobody would ever have to know what I was thinking. Unless, of course, two policemen came in the middle of the night and interrogated me."

"[Hearing Meg clicking a striker in the panic room. To Raoul] Turn the gas off. Turn the gas off right now."

"Jodie Foster - Meg Altman"

"This is what I do; if some idiot with a sledgehammer could break in do you really think I'd still have a job?"

"Bertila Damas - Renalda"

"Valri Bromfield - Miss Purdah"

"Taylor Negron - Fausto"

"Digital Underground - themselves"

"[Officer Keeney tells her she doesn't look good] Well, you don't look so hot yourself, Officer Keeney."

"Kristen Stewart - Sarah Altman"

"Don Familton - Referee"

"Ji-Tu Cumbuka - Daryl"

"Reynaldo Rey - Gambler"

"All they wanted was a little getaway. All they got was nothing but trouble."