"[deleted scene] Let me ask you something. Do you want to end up like Petey? Dead? In some flea-ridden apartment? Face down in your own droppings? A soggy sunflower seed pressed against your beak? Come on, Harry! Don't you see what Petey was trying to say to you? You got to take life by the balls! Chew it up and spit it out! Dance to the tune of a different drummer! Spread your wings and fly and run and jump! God, help me!"

"Mary, I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy."

"(about a passing woman at the preservation society) I'd like to eat her liver with some "farver" beans and a nice bottle of chianti! [he and Harry imitate Hannibal Lecter]"

"[after dumping Turbo Lax in Harry's tea] To my friend, Harry... the matchmaker."

"[pretends to promote Turbo Lax] One half teaspoon, for fast, effective relief."