"She's letting me stay here while she's working on a movie that's being made in Canada. But I guess you already know that. Well, I couldn't afford a place like this in a million years... unless, of course, I'm discovered and become a movie star. Of course, I'd rather be known as a great actress than a movie star. But, you know, sometimes people end up being both. So that is, I guess you'd say, sort of why I came here. [pause] I'm sorry. I'm just so excited to be here. I mean I just came here from Deep River, Ontario, and now I'm in this dream place. Well, you can imagine how I feel."

"You want me to make this easy for you? No fucking way! It's not gonna be. It's not easy for me!"

"What are you doing? We don't stop here."

"You know, there was a man that lived here once that had a prize-fighting kangaroo. Well, you just wouldn't believe what that kangaroo did to this courtyard!"

"Michael Cooke - Herb"

"George Fields: [to Dorothy/Michael] I begged you to get therapy."

"John Van Horne: [after Dorothy reveals she is a man] Does Jeff know?"

"Sydney Pollack - George Fields"

"George Gaynes - John Van Horn"

"Well, good night, Michael. It was a wonderful party. My date left with someone else. I had a lot of fun. Do you have any Seconol?"

"Ron Carlisle: [after Dorothy reveals she is a man] I knew there was a reason she didn't like me!"

"Teri Garr - Sandy Lester"

"Dabney Coleman - Ron Carlisle"

"[to April, dressed only in bra and panties] What kind of mother would I be if I didn't give my girls tits... tips?"

"Mike, I really appreciate you're doing this, but... it is just for the money, isn't it? It's not just so you can wear these little outfits?"

"Jessica Lange - Julie Nichols"

"Charles Durning - Les Nichols"

"This Is a Hell of a Way To Make a Living."

"Can you keep a secret? In the next 72 hours, this desperate, unemployed actor will secretly audition for the lead of a soap opera. And become America's hottest new actress."

"Bill Murray - Jeff Slater"

"Geena Davis - April Page"

"There is nothing you can do for me. I just have to feel like this until I don't feel like this anymore and you're gonna have to know that you're the one that made me feel this way."

"Dustin Hoffman - Michael Dorsey/Dorothy Michaels"

"You know, I could lay a big line on you and we could do a lot of role playing, but the simple truth is that I find you very interesting and I'd really like to make love to you."

"[in her audition] Oh I know what y'all really want is some gross caricature of a woman to prove some idiotic point that power makes a woman masculine, or masculine women are ugly. Well shame on you for letting a man do that, or any man that does that. That means you, dear. Miss Marshall. Shame on you, you macho shit head."

"Desperate, he took a female role and became a star. If only he could tell the woman he loves."

"He's Tootsie... She's Dustin Hoffman"

"Lynne Thigpen - Jo"

"What do you get when you cross a hopelessly straight starving actor with a dynamite red sequined dress? You get America's hottest new actress."

"Doris Belack - Rita Marshall"

"To my darling Christina, with love...Mommie Dearest"

"The meanest mother of them all..."

"[in tears, after the "wire hangers"/bathroom cleaning incident] Jesus Christ!"

"[lecturing her baby dolls after making Joan mad] You were very, very bad to wake Mommie up like that. VERY naughty. I told you, Mommie has to be beautiful today. This afternoon, she has to see MISTER MAYER. Today is so important. You are thoughtless and selfish. You must learn to think about other people. You are bad, bad spoiled children."

"Adopted children are luckiest because they were chosen."

"Meet the biggest MOTHER of them all!"

"[about Christina's refusal to eat her meat] WHY must EVERYTHING be a CONTEST?!"

"Belita Moreno - Belinda Rosenberg"

"Margaret Fairchild - the orphanage's Mother Superior"

"Alice Nunn - Helga"

"TINA! Bring me the axe!"

"Priscilla Pointer - Mrs. Chadwick"

"Xander Berkeley - Christopher Crawford"

"Jocelyn Brando - Barbara Bennett"