"[Appears on the TV as a injuries compensation lawyer doing an infommercial] Feeling sick? Stubbed your toe? Call this lawyer. I'll fix your woe. Agony is my business. I'll fight for you! Even you, Mitch."

"[Appears on the TV as a psychic doing a commercial] The signs point to a tragedy about to happen: casino owner dies in a bed of lies."

"Warwick Davis as Leprechaun"

"John Gatins as Scott"

"Ladies and gentlemen, due to a slight solicrivilance in the stem of the wheel, the situation is thus - this table is now closed."

"Look at those tits! I wish I was a man so I could just screw myself right to the floor. And I dare you to feel that ass, Fazio. That's prime."

"Dylan "Hornswoggle" Postl as The Leprechaun"

"For two thousand years you filthy mortals have tried to steal my riches to satisfy your greedy urges... and it always ends the same, with you begging for your miserable lives. Was it all worth it in the end? One day your kind will learn that the treasure of the Leprechauns..."

"What's up, ninjas?"

"[After knocking out the Leprechaun] Leprechaun. Goddamn crackers, always breaking into niggers' houses."

"[After Leprechaun rips off his leg] Hey! You give that back!"

"Lep in the Hood, come to do no good!"

"Laz Alonso as Rory"

"Tom Dugan as Art"

"Taylor Spreitler as Lila"

"[On the phone] Hey you, you listen to me. You don't wanna fuck with me, okay? I hope you had sex last night, 'cause I'm gonna come over there and I'm gonna cut off your dick, then I'm gonna feed it to my pit, then I'm gonna burn the shit when it comes out my goddam dog's ass, you hear me? Don't fuck with me, bitch!"

"[Bumps into African-American Leprechaun when entering the men's room] Watch it, nosebleed!"

"This is the Lord's house, we ain't afraid of yo ass!"

"Nothing tastes as good as a free pizza. Now if I could only figure out how to get free beer."

"A friend with weed is a friend indeed, but a friend with gold is the best I'm told."

"Warwick Davis as Leprechaun"

"Bebe Drake as Post's Mother"

"Didn't anybody ever tell you not to drink and levitate?"

"Yo man, want me gold?"

"Donna M. Perkins as Jackie Dee's Wife"

"Come closer, come closer, my fresh young lass. Let me take a look at ya before I tap your ass. [Chuckles]"

"Ice-T as Mack Daddy"

"Richard Reicheg as Lucky"

"Leigh-Allyn Baker as Waitress"

"Pamela Mant as Mrs. O'Grady"

"Linda Diane Shayne as Nurse"

"Ian Gregory as Doctor"

"Welcome To Vegas... Your Losing Streak Is About To Begin!"

"The path to power is often soiled with innocent blood, and I will let nothing stop me from becoming king. I'll have power and glory, and a beautiful queen to share it with. Share... Now there's a word that lies crooked upon me. The very sound of it sends my teeth to grate and conjures up pictures of me gold being carted off to pay for feminine pleasures, leaving me with less than what I want, and what I want is everything. I'll wed her, bed her and bury her all in the same day. I wonder if her father will pay for the wedding AND the funeral."

"[Dolores is hanging from the catwalk] Do ya like hangin' around, eh? [Bashes one of her hands] Well there's no future in that!"

"I am not defensive and I will shoot anyone who says I am defensive."

"Man. Twenty-first century and they still can't dance."

"Anthony Montgomery as Postmaster P."