"TV News Announcer: Here's another UFO Bulletin: The Defense Department has just announced that the unidentified flying object suddenly disappeared from our radar screen. They believe the object has either disintegrated in space, or it may be a space ship from another planet which has the ability to nullify all radar beams."

"You'll never get away with this, you Martian!"

"TV News Announcer: [News report after Santa's disappearance] And Mrs. Claus has positively identified the kidnappers as Martians."

"Chris Month - Bomar"

"[after being asked if he is going to use a rocket sleigh] No siree! We're going out the good ol' fashioned way. Prancer and Dancer and Donder and Blitzen, and Vixen and Nixon... oh, consarnit I get those names mixed up, but the KIDS know their names."

"All this trouble over a fat little man in a red suit!"

"Blast off for Mars... with Santa and a pair of Earth kids!"

"Leonard Hicks - Kimar"

"If we take them with us to Mars, Santa's disappearance will remain a mystery. No one on Earth will ever know that Santa Claus was kidnapped by Martians."

"Ned Wertimer - Andy Anderson"

"U.S.A. Military Official: We are going to forget the safety checks and go after those Martian Monkeys!"

"Pia Zadora - Girmar"

"Deanna Lund - Kirsten's mother"

"Borah Silver - Kirsten's grandfather"

"Mansell Rivers-Bland - Rubinkraur"

"I need to know the connection between the elves and the Nazis!"

"My cat is the only friend I have left."

"Dead Santa: [whispers] Santa said ORAL."

"Christopher Graham - Willy"

"Laura Lichstein - Brooke"

"Dan Haggerty - Mike McGavin"

"Julie Austin - Kirsten"

"Doris Rich - Mrs. Claus"

"Well, when Voldar "accidentally" left us in the airlock and then came up here and "accidentally" threw the door switch, we knew we had to get out of there in a hurry or that would be the end of us. Eh, uh, "accidentally," of course."

"Science-Fun-Fiction at its height!"

"Carl Don - Chochem / Von Green"

"Santa Kidnapped by the Martians! Out-of-this-world fun 'n' action...as two Earth Kids are whisked away with him to Mars!"

"In space-blazing COLOR"

"Ivor Bodin - Winky"

"Santa Brings Christmas Fun to Mars!"

"John Call - Santa Claus"

"Peter Lind Hayes - August Zabladowski"

"Mrs. Collins: [answering the phone] Collins speaking. No madam, most definitely not, your son will not be allowed to bring his baseball. Dr. Terwilliker does not believe in baseballs, golf balls, basketballs or tennis balls, ping-pong balls, snowballs, croquet balls or hockey pucks. Dr. Terwilliker believes only in the piano!"

"Elevator operator: [singing the Dungeon elevator song] First floor dungeon Assorted simple tortures Molten lead, chopping blocks and hot boiling oil Second floor dungeon Jewelry department Leg chains, ankle chains, neck chains, wrist chains, thumbscrews and nooses of the very finest rope Basement dungeon EVERYBODY OUT!"

"Tommy Rettig - Bart Collins"

"Mary Healy - Heloise Collins"

"I am no cog; I don't even like the sound of it. I am an independent contractor."

"Hans Conried - Dr. Terwilliker"

"This is my day! 5,000 little fingers, all playing together on my piano! Every finger obedient to the whim of me, the master! Every infinitesimal, microscopic piece of living tissue of those 5,000 little fingers, cringing and trembling and groveling before me! Before me, Dr. Terwilliker, as I raise my baton! We shall play... raise hands! We shall play the most beautiful piece ever written! I wrote it. Ten Happy Fingers! A one, and a two, and a three, and a play!"

"Bartholomew Collins! The years you spend with Dr. Terwilliker will be the happiest years of your life. But if you get homesick, don't try to escape. The barbed wire around the Terwilliker Institute... is ELECTRIFIED!"

"Attention! Attention, everyone at the Terwilliker Institute. Down below me, my students are awaiting our date with destiny. They will not fail, for I shall not fail."

"[sings:] Come on and dress me, dress me, dress me in my finest array,/because in case you haven't heard, today is Do-mi-do Day!/Dress me in my silver garters, dress me in my diamond studs,/Because I'm going do-mi-do-ing in my do-mi-do duds!"

"[singing "Because We're Kids"] Now just because we're kids Because we're sort of small Because we're closer to the ground And you are bigger pound by pound You have no right, you have no right To push and shove us little kids around... Now just because your throat has got a deeper voice And lots of wind to blow it out At little kids who dare not shout You have no right, you have no right To boss and beat us little kids about... Just because you've whiskers on your face to shave You treat us like a slave... So what? It's only hair. Just because you wear a wallet near your heart You think you're twice as smart. You know that isn't fair... But we'll grow up someday, and when we do I pray, We won't just grow in size and sound, And just be bigger pound by pound... I'd hate to grow, like some I know, Who push and shove us little kids around."