Bbc Shows

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Claire after he fires Lucinda and has listened to her reason as to why she should stay) I'm gonna let you stay. (to the other candidates) In fact, I'm gonna let you all stay. (sighs of relief from Helene and Lee) And the reason for that, is because you're all very, very good candidates I think. You've all got something in you. And so, all four of you are in the final."

"Bordan Tkachuk: (having listened to Claire for a long time) Okay, just hang on one second. Let me ask a question and give you time to breathe."

"Paul Kemsley: I want to see this silly impression of a dinosaur that you do. Lee McQueen: Of a reverse pterodactyl? Paul Kemsley: I've got to see it. Lee McQueen: Do you want to see it? Paul Kemsley: Absolutely. Lee McQueen: Unbelievable. Paul Kemsley: Go on. Lee McQueen: Okay-(he performs his reverse pterodactyl impression and then sits back down) Impressive? Paul Kemsley: I don't think Sir Alan would be too impressed. I didn't find it funny but he definitely wouldn't. Lee McQueen: No, and I wouldn't do a reverse pterodactyl in front of Sir Alan- Paul Kemsley: Why don't you just say "No" then? This is a serious interview. It's a serious job."

"Karren Brady: Do you have that all-round business experience? Alex Wotherspoon: I've got as much experience as I could have at my age at twenty-four. Karren Brady: Alex, I was twenty-three when I was running Birmingham City Football Club. You're a year older."

"Sir Alan Sugar: [to the candidates, in the first-ever boardroom meeting] As far as I'm concerned, what I have in front of me here are fourteen of Britain's best prospects. Quite a few thousand applied for this job: a job with me, a job that's gonna bring you a six-figure salary. But to get that job, you're gonna have to demonstrate to me your skills and leadership, business acumen, shrewdness, the lot."

"Paul Kemsley: I didn't find anything interesting in your CV. Alex Wotherspoon: Obviously taking into account my age, that's why my CV isn't as extensive as... Paul Kemsley: I was running my own business at twenty-two."

"Claire Young: (as Lucinda is in an interview with Claude Littner) Lucinda's been up there ages. Oh, I'd love to be her in there. (in Lucinda's voice) Erm, erm, excuse me. Erm, erm (normal voice) And he'd just be like "Shut it! Shut up now!""

"Bordan Tkachuk: You were doing a degree, were you? Lee McQueen: No, unfortunately for me my exam results etc were never good enough to do a degree. When I was a trainee catering manager, they put me through to do a professional qualification in catering. I was there for two years, I was actually doing my HCIMA for that period of time. Bordan Tkachuk: Are you sure it was two years? Lee McQueen: As far as I am aware, it was two years, yes. Bordan Tkachuk: Really? The university has actually dropped me a line here confirming that you were only there for four months. Lee McQueen: Really? Oh, Okay well then, it was four months then. Bordan Tkachuk: Was it two years or four months? Do you want to see or do you know? Lee McQueen: No, no, if that's what you are saying. Bordan Tkachuk: No, I am asking you. I have asked you twice, it's your CV. It says Thames University 1996 to 1998. Lee McQueen: Then I have, um, put something incorrect on my CV. Bordan Tkachuk: Was it just one thing? Lee McQueen: Well, I have made a mistake already haven't I, so it's difficult for me to be completely confident. Bordan Tkachuk: What worries me is that you have got someone here who is prepared to bullshit their way through. Lee McQueen: I am not prepared to bullshit my way through. Bordan Tkachuk: Well you did on that. Lee McQueen: I am not prepared to bullshit my way through. Bordan Tkachuk: But you did on that and that worries me a little bit about you because I am looking at this and saying what else is there about you? Lee McQueen: My integrity is out the window. All I would say to you is that I am not proud my educational background, Bordan, and I have put something down there to make my educational background seem a little bit better than what it is and that's a blip on my integrity and I can't erase that. All I can say is that I am disappointed in myself for doing that."

"Claude Littner: (on Lee's CV which is riddled with spelling mistakes) Did they ever teach you spelling?"

"Claude Littner: What are the things you're going to offer Sir Alan? Alex Wotherspoon: Like you say, I am 24 years old so... Claude Littner: Can you not just answer a question?! I'm finding it very.. I mean, it's just how many times do I have to ask the same question before you actually give me an answer!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Lucinda, I'm afraid to say you're a little bit too zany for me, a little bit too unconventional for me. And so, Lucinda, with regret, you're fired!"

"Claude Littner: I'll talk about Lucinda if I may, Alan. She's a very intelligent, bright individual. No doubt highly skilled at what she does and I would think she'd be a disaster for you. Paul Kemsley: I'll tell you a good point. If you're building a nice office for yourself and you want it lit beautifully with candles - nice smelling candles, good aroma therapy in the air, nice calm, perfect... Karren Brady: Paul! That is unfair."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Helene your posture, not being disrespectful or rude, you remind me of the portrait of the Mona Lisa in which there's this one sole expression with you all the time."

"Michael Sophocles: Sir Alan, I think I'm an absolutely fantastic salesman... Sir Alan Sugar: But you didn't bloody sell did you?"

"Claire Young: How do you think Michael is? Helene Speight: Shit. Claire Young: I think he's shit as well."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Renaissance) You made one, not one, The biggest error. The biggest error going: I don't know what your bloody advert's about! I do not know what it's about! It doesn't mention the word "tissues" once in the voice-over, you've got this little box of tissues down the bottom that... and a little strap-line down the bottom and it would not sell any tissues. It might make me or my grandmother or my auntie smile and look at the little kid crying and think "Ahhhh" like that but it ain't gonna make me look for those on the shelf! You lost! I'm sorry, you lost and it's not my opinion. This is the opinion of the three professionals I consulted today, and I am so frustrated because you did 90-5% of the work! A much better cinema-graphic, representation than these people. Much, much better but I'm sorry, you lost! (To Alpha) You won because your horrible advert, your horrible box threw it in the people's face, the actor there was talking about tissues three times, he brought out the anti-bacterial thing which is one of the points that I wanted to mention. You had the box in big shot, in the picture, on the mum's lap, you had it again somewhere else and at the end pack shot you had it there. (tapping Alpha's box) That's the thing I'm gonna remember. You won, so well done."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Renaissance) I didn’t send you out to do a remake of Ben-Hur!"

"Lucinda Ledgerwood: I don't like the boxing, I don't like the colors, and I don't like the pictures on it and to me that is... Lee McQueen: So, is it underlying factor then that you shouldn't have volunteered to go and look at the fucking... Lucinda Ledgerwood: I didn't FUCKING volunteer!"

"Lucinda Ledgerwood: Stop it! Not on! Naughty, Naughty, Naughty!"

"(in order to generate sales for Alpha, Raef tries on the bear costume slipping on the bear's head) Raef Bjayou: (laughing for a second) I'm going to suffocate in this thing!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: The fundamental flaw here is that the selling approach was wrong, in the sense that you're not selling double glazing. Michael Sophocles: I didn't sell it like a hard-sell double glazing. Nick Hewer: Really? Sara Dhada: We tried our absolute best to sell those cakes, it was really difficult. The first questions, we were asking, "Are you getting married, who are you getting married to? Really interested in their wedding. It is new, it's all edible..." [Sir Alan winces; Nick and Margaret look at Sara disapprovingly] Sara Dhada: "...You can do this to it, you can do that to it, you can have different colours put in it, it'll be like a wow factor at your wedding." We explained all these points, and it was so difficult to... Sir Alan Sugar: Listen, I'll tell you what. If I had been one of the recipients of your sales pitch, if it's anything like what you're doing now, I would have gotten hold of your head and pushed it in the bloody cake!"

"Michael Sophocles: They're just dumb-dumbs. (after failing to sell a cake to some brides-to-be)"

"Raef Bjayou: I think that we need to remember that those in a size 16-32 dress, are size 16-32 for a reason: they love cake."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Jenny, you are a woman of the world. Slightly older than the rest of the people here. (Jenny smiles as he says this) Jenny Celerier: It's my birthday today Sir Alan. I'm thirty-six today. Sir Alan Sugar: (paying somewhat scant regard) Congratulations. At 36 are you telling me you've never heard of the term "analogy kosher" and you don't know that's associated with Jewish people? Jenny Celerier: (nodding and shaking her head at the same time) No, Sir Alan."

"Lee McQueen: (on the phone to Raef) Just to let you know, we fucking just nailed the blue cactus as well.(laughs) Come on. Raef Bjayou: (to a seller after he hangs up the phone) Sorry about the bad language you heard there."

"Sir Alan Sugar: You know what, it seems that you hang on every word that I say and turn it on your colleagues. No good, no good. Sorry, same old story. Jenny, you're fired. Goodbye! (Jenny gets up and leaves) Right, who's next?"

"(Sir Alan, Margaret and Nick continue the discussion alone...) Nick Hewer: How can he not know what a kosher chicken is? He did classics at Edinburgh, he's a bright enough boy, how could he make such a mess of things?. Margaret Mountford: Well, I think Edinburgh's not what it used to be."

"Sir Alan Sugar: You know what? I think this team was totally out of control. It's the people who made the mistakes in buying the products that I can point at, or I can point at the team leader. Be under no illusion, there's no rule, no written rule, that I just have to get rid of one person. There's three terrible mistakes here. I don't give a shit! I'll fire three of you if I have to, I'll fire the whole bloody five of you! Don't bother me at all! It's up to you, you open your bloody mouth, or I'll just make some quick decisions."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Is it right that you went to a Muslim halal butcher and asked him to give you a kosher chicken, and he actually made a prayer over it, is that right? Michael Sophocles: That's correct, Sir Alan. Margaret Mountford: And he slaughtered it for you? Michael Sophocles: That's correct. Sir Alan Sugar: Are you having a laugh or what? I don't know why you didn't go the whole hog, and find a Roman Catholic priest to take the butcher's confession. You're here because you're supposed to be intelligent people, it's unbelievable! Aren't you embarrassed, Michael? Michael Sophocles: I am embarrassed, yes, Sir Alan. Sir Alan Sugar: Do you know what the word L'Chaim means? Michael Sophocles: I know what the word schmuck means. Sir Alan Sugar: (repeating the question) No, but do you know what the word L'Chaim means? Michael Sophocles: No. Sir Alan Sugar: (shocked) You don't?!"

"(In the boardroom after the kosher chicken incident) Sir Alan Sugar: It's an insult to the Muslim religion, let alone the Jewish religion. On your CV, what did you say on there? You're a good Jewish boy. Michael Sophocles: I'm not, I'm only half Jewish, Sir Alan. Sir Alan Sugar: Well, you either are or you aren't, yeah? Michael Sophocles: I'm a nice Jewish boy. Sir Alan Sugar: OK, because if you're unsure, you can always pull your trousers and we can check."

"Claire Young: Look, a snake! Ugh! I hate snakes. If Sir Alan, for a Million Pound, came up to me and said "Claire, kiss that snake.", I'd say. "I'm sorry. I'd rather kiss you!""

"Raef Bjayou: (rehearsing his pitch at night) Through our cards we put forward to you (clears throat) the notion of the Singles' day, we have created not only a product for you but a diary entry! Michael Sophocles: (clearly tired of hearing Raef's pitch) That was absolutely amazing. Now can you just please shut the fuck up?"

"Sir Alan Sugar: This whole task turned out a fiasco, and as team leader I hold you totally responsible. Kevin, you're fired!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: I can tell you Kevin that Clinton Cards, for example, reported that your pitch was dreadful. They found you a bit cocky, they found you preaching to them. Not selling them cards, preaching to them! There was a smell of arrogance about you, they felt. Did anyone else put themselves forward? (Claire and Jenny raise their hands) You two did? Margaret Mountford: Can I just say that perhaps it was a good thing that Jenny didn't do it? She actually told Clintons that because of environmental concerns she wasn't buying so many cards any more. Sir Alan Sugar: Is that right? Jenny Celerier: (proudly) Yes, I did, Sir Alan. Sir Alan Sugar: How can you make a statement on one hand that "I don't buy so many cards any more," and then come up with the concept, that this is what we should do?! Jenny Celerier: I really do passionately believe that this is still a viable concept, and that pitched correctly it could... Sir Alan Sugar: Oh, I'll tell you what, it's beyond my comprehension, this is."

"(Renaissance have sold 6,000 cards so far; Alpha 3,000. One supplier left to go...) Margaret Mountford: Celebrations didn't buy any from Renaissance. Sir Alan Sugar: Right. And Celebrations for Alpha? Nick Hewer: They were keener. They bought 19,500. (very enthusiastic response from most of Alpha except, at first, for Helene. Then two seconds later she smiles) Michael Sophocles: (punches table) COME ON! COME ON! Lee McQueen: That's what I'm talking about! (long pause and shocked look from Margaret) Sir Alan Sugar: This is not a football match. This outburst of yours is...not something I would condone in this boardroom. Michael Sophocles: I apologise, Sir Alan."

"Nick Hewer: No apostrophe in the history of the English language has ever been argued over so fiercely."

"Clinton Cards Representative: Do you think that's actually going to make someone smile? (Reads from card) "A bath uses 120 litres of water, whereas a shower only uses 30. Being more efficient in the way you wash will stop your money going down the drain. Bathe less, shower more." Kevin Shaw: If you don't put your weight behind it, then it's just the same as the US saying, "We don't care about pollution." (Stunned looks from the Clinton Cards Representatives)"

"Lee McQueen: You know what I smelt then? Perfection!"

"Raef Bjayou: (on the phone) My name's Raef. I'm C.E.O of Alpha Luxury Ice Creams."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Lucinda, you are a risk manager. What is the risk of you being fired here today? Lucinda Ledgerwood: The probability is one in three! Sir Alan Sugar:...What a brainstorm that was."

"Lucinda Ledgerwood: As I have said, I will be out there, take the CDs and the pictures and burn them, and take them back out! Helene Speight: Fantastic!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Simon, if I asked you to build me a wall, you'd build me a wall, I'm pretty sure of that. If I asked you to dig me a trench, you'd dig me a trench. But I'm not sure that if I asked you to run my investment portfolio, you'd be able to do that very well. I'm sorry my friend, I think you're a little bit out of your depth here. And with regret, you're fired. *Simon Smith: Thank you for a wonderful opportunity. Sir Alan Sugar: (Quietly) Okay. (Simon turns to face Sir Alan once more) Simon Smith: Thank you Sir Alan. Goodbye."

"Lucinda Ledgerwood: How dare you! (to Helene)"

"Lucinda Ledgerwood: I am technically useless."

"Simon Smith: Yeah, I need more cheese. I'm alright on on mushrooms, tomatoes. I need ham, I need palma ham, I need tuna. I need...I need fucking everything!"

"Jenny Celerier: (to Lucinda after she accuses Jennifer of being vindictive and making personal attacks on her) You have made yourself in a position of victim and portray other people in a very bad light to actually elevate your position. And I don't believe that what you're saying is a) correct, b) accurate and I think that you are a highly manipulative young lady."

"Lee McQueen: (on the phone to Ian and Kevin) I'm concerned. Lee McQueen is concerned."

"Kevin Shaw: I've never seen, so much delegation in my life! "Any chance you can wipe my bum, 'cause I just don't know how to do it." That's what it was like! You know, he didn't do nothing!"

"Michael Sophocles: (singing) And more, much more than this. I did it my way!"

"Ian Stringer: Can you get us black bags? Lee McQueen: Black bags?! Why have I got to go and buy black bags?! Fucking tin openers! You havin' a laugh or what?"