"Is it physically impossible to French-kiss a man who leaves the new roll of toilet paper resting on top of the empty cardboard roll? Does he not see it? DOES HE NOT *SEE* IT?"

"Love is just lust in disguise, and lust fades, so you damn well better be with someone who can stand you."

"Oh, Dot. Put out once in a while, your face won't be so tight."

"And you can take that bread and shove it up the tops of your legs!"

"Red Buttons - Arnie Jordan"

"Bill Murray as Frank Milo"

"Keanu Reeves as Julian Mercer"

"Amanda Peet as Marin Klein"

"Diane Keaton as Erica Barry"

"Frances McDormand as Zoe"

"Jon Favreau as Leo"

"Jack Nicholson as Harry Sanborn"

"Paul Michael Glaser as Dave Klein"

"Rachel Ticotin as Dr. Martinez"

"KaDee Strickland as Kristen"

"Tom Tyler - Clyde Bracken"

"Don Beddoe - Police Chief"

"Charles Dingle - Andrew Holmes"

"Emma Dunn - Mrs. Shelley"

"Glenda Farrell - Regina Bush"

"Rex Ingram - Tilney"

"Ronald Colman - Professor Michael Lightcap"

"Leonid Kinskey - Jan Pulaski"

"Edgar Buchanan - Sam Yates"

"Alright, Joseph, you conduct the law your way on random sentimentality and you will have violence and disorder."

"Nothing deranges a woman's mind more than marriage."

"Miss Shelly, judging from the past 12 hours, how quiet do you think it could be in this house, with you in it?"

"He's the only honest man I've come across in this town in 20 years. Naturally, they want to hang him."

"Listen, I can't hang around here even if I wanted to. Lightcap's ordered me out 50 times since last night. I'm here now only by the grace of being in his pajamas. One minute I'm out of these and I'm out on my ear!"

"This is your law and your finest possession - it makes you free men in a free country. Why have you come here to destroy it? If you know what's good for you, take those weapons home and burn them! And then think... think of this country and of the law that makes it what it is. Think of a world crying for this very law! And maybe you'll understand why you ought to guard it. Why the law has got to be the personal concern of every citizen. To uphold it for your neighbor as well as yourself. Violence against it is one mistake. Another mistake is for any man to look upon the law as just a set of principles. And just so much language printed on fine, heavy paper. Something he recites and then leans back and takes it for granted that justice is automatically being done. Both kinds of men are equally wrong! The law must be engraved in our hearts and practiced every minute to the letter and spirit. It can't even exist unless we're willing to go down into the dust and blood and fight a battle every day of our lives to preserve it. For our neighbor as well as ourself."

"Cary Grant - Leopold Dilg - Joseph"

"Look at me, a dream of twenty years come true. More happiness than any man deserves, that chair. But now there's something Else, Nora: My friends. I want to see them as happy as I am. Nothing less will do. And Leopold, what a fine fellow - and I've been thinking, Nora, that if someone were to take his hand and say "Leopold, my wreckless friend, here's love and companionship, forever." Well, some day that man would... You see what I mean, Nora?"

"Stop saying "Leopold" like that, tenderly. It sounds funny. You can't do it with a name like Leopold."

"What is the law? It's a gun pointed at somebody's head. All depends upon which end of the gun you stand, whether the law is just or not."

"Well, it's a form of self-expression. Some people write books. Some people write music. I make speeches on street corners."

"I don't approve of, but I like people who think in terms of ideal conditions. They're the dreamers, poets, tragic figures in this world, but interesting."

"Jean Arthur - Miss Nora Shelley"

"Richard McGonagle - Narrator"

"Olivia Bagg - Young Summer"

"Clark Gregg - Vance"

"Patricia Belcher - Millie"

"Matthew Gray Gubler - Paul"

"Rachel Boston - Alison"