"[to Isabel, who is posing as Nicole, about Rusty Ryan] And tell him it's gonna cost him double. [pause] And tell him this thing is beautiful. And tell him I'm being a nice guy. And tell him he dresses like a gigolo. (on being asked if that is all) Yeah. No! Tell him—tell Rusty that having a sexy female assistant is such a terrible cliche. [Hangs up. Sexy female assistant emerges with Nagel's treo and brings him a coffee]"

"[to Linus] Who died and made you Danny?"

"[to Rusty Ryan] I was asked to show some restraint. Otherwise, you would have gone out to your favorite car with all the 17 you own and as soon as you turn on the ignition--[car explodes] You got two weeks."

"[about Danny] Where is he, Tess? Where is... Mr. Diaz?"

"(to Linus Caldwell) If you are going to ask me a question give me some time to respond, unless the question is rhetorical in which case the answer is obvious, yes."

"(to Danny Ocean) 10:45, we all get arrested."

"[to Topher Grace] Geez, Topher, you don't have to go all Frankie Muniz on me."

"James Earl Jones - Narrator"

"David Arquette - Benny Jacks"

"Mark DeCarlo - Coach"

"Stephen Root - Gary Murray"

"Hilary Swank - Kimberley Hannah"

"Paul Reubens - Amilyn"

"Luke Perry - Oliver Pike"

"Rutger Hauer - Lothos"

"Donald Sutherland - Merrick Jamison-Smythe"

"Kristy Swanson - Buffy"

"Homework. Cheerleading practice. Killing vampires. No one said high school would be easy."

"She knows a sucker when she sees one."

"Sometimes it takes more than just good looks to kill."

"Pert. Wholesome. Way Lethal."

"Benny:Come on, Pike! Join me! Live forever! We can start a band!"

"Biker:Hey, babe, you wanna get some real power between your legs?"

"Benny: Her yabbos scoff at gravity."

"Assert your person-hood! Actualize! Actualize!"

"Hey, you missed practice again today. I think you better sit down and think about how that made me feel."

"Now, what do we say on the court? Repeat after me: 'I am a person. I have a right to the ball'."

"[During the credits] Well, I think the kids learn a lesson about safety, except the dead ones. Well, they learned it, but didn't have time to implement it. Are we live?"

"[dead vampires, with stakes sticking out of their hearts, litter the gym] "Detention, detention, detention...detention, detention, detention. I think that's all of them; no, wait, detention, detention, detention." [drops detention slips on the bodies]"

"[after Lothos appears] "That is definitely not a student."

"I have detention slips here, and I'm not afraid to use them! [to horde of vampires attacking the school gym]"

"Don't think of me as Gary Murray, administrator. Think of me as Gary Murray — party guy."

"[interview after vampire attack]: They had fangs. They were biting people. They had this look in their eyes — totally cold. Animal. I think they were Young Republicans."

""Buffy, what's your sitch? You're acting like the Thing from Another Tax Bracket"."

"Get out of my facial!"

"Buffy: "Oh yeah? Clap."

"(When Amilyn has one Arm) "We're immortal. We can do anything."

"Admit it, Buffy. Don't you sometimes feel... less than fresh?"

"You ruined my new jacket!" [to henchmen] "Kill him a LOT!" [after his left arm has been torn off]"