CNNNN

"Artwork accused of having ulterior motif"

"Labor party thrashed in national "Simon Says" championships"

"Bank of Nigeria puzzled by it's poor reputation"

"Non-Italian man uses Italian accent to order Macchiato"

"Newsbar proofreader lets gaurd down"

"No 1 dance hit ousted by almost identical track"

"Trendy dog insists on bottled toilet water"

"Non-pianist performs 'chopsticks'"

"Voice recognition software can't recognise owner swearing at it"

"Child plays with slinky a second time"

"Paralympians slam closing ceremony audience for "insensitive" standing ovation"

"Perpetually single guy tries to make it look like his choice"

"Cameraphone takes in-focus photo"

"Disneyland still waiting on formal UN recognition"

"Newbar item ends abruptl"

"Airport travelator makes passenger late for plane"

"Exotic items in pie shop all taste like pie"

"Guy convinced he could convert most lesbians"

"Reality show bears no resemblance to reality whatsoever"

"Bush & Howard now closer than ever: in polls"

"B-grade celebrity wishes paparazzi would invade her privacy"

"Actor's opinion on world events apparently newsworthy"

"Rock band takes itself seriously"

"Week a long time in politics, Guantanamo Bay"

"Gourmet pizza defined by inclusion of sundried tomatoes"

"Americans irritated by hordes of quiet, knowledgeable tourists"

"Latest special McDonald's burger tastes identical to last one"

"Nine album tracks just filler between three singles"

"Fifties decor in Hungry Jack's fools no one"

"Donkey voter a complete ass"

"Iraqi cheese-maker complains of Kurds getting in the Whey"

"Depressed magician performs optical disillusion"

"Psychotic gains respite after voices in head contract laryngitis"

"Newsreader rushed to hospital after trying to pronounce name of new Indonesian president Dr. Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono"

"Calls for tougher sentencing on killer flus"

"Price war breaks out between $2.00 shop & $1.95 shop"

"Australian actress pretends she still calls Australia home"

"Bird and bee have sex with disastrous results"

"Twelve prams wrecked in Wiggles mosh pit"

"Wishful thinker sucks in stomach when on scales"

"Writer of the Newsbar regrets his obeying of the advice of the grammar-checking tool which is contained within Microsoft Word"

"Holden and Ford currently in peace talks"